1ST CHAPTER: HALF A HEART
It happened in a blink of eye. From the past few hours, I just remembered Mira coming in my Boston house, crying. She stormed into the house threw the promise ring in my face, telling me that I cheated and throwing all those photographs of me and her in my face and slapped me hard. I have never seen her so violent before. After sobbing for half an hour or more than that, she said she could not love me anymore. I told her that it was ok. She slapped me again before running away from me and shutting the door. After that I once again looked at all the photographs, which she threw at my face. They were the pictures of Modhubani and me during the time of high school. We were classmates and we used to hate each other at first. She hated me due to my idiotic activities. Though I was not an idiot, I preferred to do that as she got angry with me and used to beat me. Yup, my fiancée used to beat me! But during the second semester of university, I realized that she used to love me in her own ways. During that time, as my grades were going down and she was leaving me behind, I thought of a plan. I proposed her and told her that I loved her. Back at that time I never loved her. But, slowly during our 9 months long relationship, I started to understand her. She was different from all the other girls of the class. She had a complex personality. She never liked to show people that she was weak; she always used to put on a brave face. But her biggest fears were dogs and blood. She feared bloods and dog very much. One day, she told me the incident in just two sentences, but one of her friends told me everything. When I just asked her, she said “the scar in my left cheek is a scar that was due to dog bite.”I realized that she did not want to explain more. I did not ask her anything. When I asked one of her friend, her friend told me all about the details. Her friend told me that: at the age of four years, she went to a Xerox centre with her father, who had to photocopy some documents. When they were photocopying, suddenly a mad dog entered the shop and as she was just a little girl, she was bitten by the mad dog in her left cheek and one of her milk teeth were pulled out by the dog. She got eight stitches on her left cheek. Though that day he felt bad for her, the next day, he told the news to everyone in the class and when he got his chance he made fun of her with that news. One day, she could not bear and told their history teacher about it. The history teacher scolded him for saying this and he stopped saying it. One day, he also insulted her with it. He remembered the look of hurt in her face. He wanted her to leave him but she did not. After their annual exam’s result, he realized that she had ranked 8th and his roll in class detoriated. Though he could never come back to his good position, he broke up with her. They had a lot of common friends among them. During the time of their break up, the common friends asked him to patch up with her, but he did not. When her best friend tried, she told her that she did not want to patch the broken relationship. She just wanted to ask him why. Hearing this his heart tore, but he decided to stay strong. He lied to her that her mother became aware of their chemistry and had decided to change his school. When she looked at his eyes after his words of lie to her, he understood that by looking in his eyes, she could she through the lies. She just hugged him after that, and whispered in his ear: do not lie to anyone. Anyone can see through your lie. But no need to tell lie, I am not coming back. He felt ashamed of himself after that. She just smiled at him after that and chatted with all her friends like nothing happened. He that day understood that, she had bared her soul to him while he had taken and tore it apart. In the car, when they were coming home, he whispered I love you to her. After hearing this, she turned to face him with her watery eyes and did not say anything. After that she said nothing and as soon as her house came she just got out of the car without any word. He felt guilty for what he had done to the beautiful soul. He stopped talking to her due to the heavy amount of guilt that burdened him. For two months he had ignored her. But after two month, he could not take any more when suddenly a boy of Bengali version, Mainak, a renowned foot ball player of university flirted with her. He knew that she only thought it as a gesture of friendliness but being a boy he understood it and he grew jealous of fact. Later, that night, after completing his supper, he decided to call her but at first wanted to check if she was online. He quickly logged into his fb account and found her online. He never knew that she was aware of the fact that Mainak flirted with her but she wanted to talk with that asshole, the boy who ditched her. When he told her that Mainak was flirting with her, she just said no why would he? He replied, of course, he could .you are smart intelligent and witty and…and what? She asked him. Beautiful. He replied. He was going to write that’s why I fell in love with you. But suddenly while typing, he realized that he could not write anymore. He just said bye and logged out quickly as for the first time in his whole life. Mira was his second love after one year of his break up with her. Mira was exactly different from her. Needless to say, she died in a car accident while coming to school next day. As he was with her, during that time, he remembered that when the police took out her corpse, her face was lit with a smile, like she was going to heaven. Mira never knew about her. She thought that Modhubani was still his lover, that’s why she thought that she cheated with him. But he did. After seeing the photographs, he realized that he was still in love with Modhubani. He still without her felt HALF A HEART.
VOTE AND COMMENT.
ANY END OF CHAPTER THOUGHTS?
This song is my favorite 1d song and I love the lyrics and Zayn’s voice in the song.
moubanipal.
DIANA
I stared at her picture for some time. She was gone. I could not believe it still. How can I believe the fact that she is no more? How can I? She was beautiful, witty and had a nice voice. But above all she was her daughter. She was born as a mistake. Yup, after their first daughter was born, they decided not to have any other children. But after 12 years of their 1st daughter was born, while making love accidently without using any condom, Miranda became pregnant. It was like a shock to her. She did not want to have any other child. She was done with her. She wanted abortion but he did not. He still remembered the biggest row of their 20 years old marriage:
[S for Samir and M for Miranda] M: listen I do not want the baby. I have moved on a lot and I do not want that horrible job of changing nappies!
S: why do you call it horrible? I have always dreamt of having another child. Debotri just got spoilt alone.
M: have you ever changed nappies? Have you ever felt the pain of labor? Why are you Indian men so stereotypical?
S: do you think I am stereotypical? I just want someone who will spend time with Debotri when we are at work? Does she have anyone who would spend all their day with her without complaining to her? You were a single child. How did it felt growing alone! And to the stereotypical word, you know I have four brothers? Do not you? (Miranda nods her head in approval). Have you ever imagined the amount of fun we had? You have not. And please agree with me!
M: no I cannot! Sam it’s just a mistake. The child is a mistake. And you know that there is no room for mistake.
Samir loses his calm composure and starts shouting: what do you think? You are referring the innocent child as a mistake? How dare you? Has the baby done anything to deserve this type of behavior from any one? Why are you telling these things? Then the man you have married is mistake.
M: what? Tell the whole thing, Samir. Are you playing with my mind?
S: no why would I? Do you think me as some manipulating jerk?
M: no, I do not think so! Just tell!
S: do you remember the age difference between Siddhartha and me?
M: 15 years?
S: no, 16 year. He was the fourth child. After he was born, my parents decided not to have any more child. But after 15 years, by accident my ma became pregnant with me. As that was old time, no abortion or pills were there. My father blamed my mother and always thought me a mistake. But ma, never regretted it. She always thought that I was lucky for her and loved me the most as I was younger than all of her sons. My father thought of me as a mistake until I became first in the secondary exams. He thought of me as a piece of crap in the past but as soon as he saw that I could make him famous. He never loved me, ever but mom loved me and what she got! She died before my secondary exams! She could not see me succeed! She never thought about fame. She always thought of her five sons. She never thought if how horrible changing nappies! She never thought of abortion. And here you received everything but you just only want not to show the baby the light. How can you..?
Samir starts crying. Miranda comes towards him and hugs him, letting him cry in her shoulders. After she felt his breathing relax, she placed a small kiss in his fore head and softly said: I will give birth to the baby. I do not want abortion.
Hearing the words from her lips he felt that the world came to a standstill. He jerked his head upward and gently kissed her in her lips, like when people fall in love. Though the kiss was a kiss full of love, it turned to a make out session in the sofa.
After the session he felt that he had convinced Miranda to give birth to their baby, the product of their love. The next nine months were just like a moment. In a few months, they got the news that they were having a daughter. Though, Miranda was not so excited at first, seeing her father and daughter’s enthusiasm and joy after the news, she felt that they had done the right decision. After the confirmation taste, there started the event of searching a new name. Miranda preferred Indian names as they had beautiful meanings and soft words. She felt happy after remembering what Samir said the other day. She would never call the baby a mistake. After searching a name for a long time, they found the correct name. Debotri decided to call the baby Modhubani. Both Samir and Miranda had thought that Debotri would feel jealous as she had to share all her things with a new member. But Debotri was not jealous. She was happy more than anyone else. After a wait of nine months, the day finally came. It was 3rd May, 2000. She was born in the midst of storm and rain. Even as a baby, she was beautiful. Debotri used to call her Diana as she was beautiful like Diana. After that incident years had passed. Modhubani had completed her studies in primary school, secondary school and had also completed college. She was quite outside but was a chatter box inside. Everybody felt sad when she was not in home. But, Miranda loved her most. Though, they had fight like others and Miranda often ended punishing her, nobody could separate them. They were like a bond. Modhubani once learned about the mistake thing but when Samir asked her how she felt. Modhubani answered that everyone makes mistakes. People are made for only making mistakes.
If Miranda had not made the mistake, she would never understand her husband’s past. God does everything for good. She told him after that. Modhubani was a trained Indian classical singer, she never liked showing off her talent. Modhubani had only one fault, she never believed in god. Though, Miranda was a Christian and Samir was Hindu, Miranda preferred worshipping Hindu gods and goddess. In one word, Miranda was foolishly and completely in love with India and Indian culture. After remembering all the old thoughts, Samir understood that he missed Miranda. Miranda had died after Modhubani‘s visit to India where she died from a cardiac attack. After Miranda’s death, Modhubani had changed a lot. She never talked to anybody. She behaved like a lost puppy. It pained Debotri and Samir to watch Modhubani like that. They never talked about Miranda in her presence. Dad, Samir suddenly got back to reality after hearing Debotri’s word. Why were you sleeping with the news channel open? Oh! I was sleeping! He asked Debotri. Debotri nodded her head in approval. But you know I had a strange dream! About what? Debotri asked. I dreamed that Modhubani died! He managed to choke through sobs. No, it’s not true! Dad calm down. Debotri whispered slowly to him while cradling like a child. Do you think it’s not true? Dad it’s not true. Oh, but I remembered listening to the news channel. They both turned their attention to the news channel: breaking news: a second semester student of McGill university died after a car accident. She is of Indian origin. No one has conducted on her behalf. Her name is Modhubani Sarkar! No, you cannot die my Diana! Please!
VOTE AND COMENT
ANY END CHAPTER THOUGHTS???
I am in love with the song DIANA.
you and i
DEAR,
I loved you. I loved you with all my heart. Though you thought that I never loved you but I loved you in my own peculiar way. But you thought that I was dumb enough not to understand your tricks. You have lied to me. Not just a single time but a million times. Our so called relationship was based on lies though I knew that relationships were based on trust. So ours was not a relationship. Was it? It was not a relationship. When you proposed me I knew your motive. As your roll number was decreasing and I was in the top 10 you decided to divert my attention, so that you can cope up with the studies and leave me behind. You were jealous of my success. But I gave you a chance. I thought that you could understand your fault and one day you will love me truly. But you were blind. You started dating other girls and slept with them. You thought that
I would never know but you were wrong. I knew it. Nobody told me about it. But I discovered it myself. In the French coffee shop after my approval, I saw you with Chandrarima, yes with her. You two were holding hands and when I entered you did not noticed me you were busy with her. After I ordered my coffee you proposed to her and when she shyly said yes you kissed her. After watching the scene, I did not lose my calm composure. Instead of feeling angry at you, I was feeling sad for those girls including me who loved you but were toyed by you. That day, I started to think you as a mentally disabled person. I pitied you. Yes, I pitied you. You would like to think that pitying someone is far better than fighting or insulting someone but according to me, insulting was better but pitying was not. Who deserves pity? Helpless person deserves pity. Then if I or someone pities you then that means that you or the person, who is pitied is helpless. I hate pity. But my rules are not the rules of the World. From that day, instead of love for you, my heart was filled with pity for you. I despised you. But you were such a dumboo that you never understood. After that I found you with different girls at different time. I never felt jealous. But, I knew that I was truly, madly and deeply in love with you. It was one-sided love. People always took me as Ms. Goody two shoes, but I was not. I partied, I spied, I ditched classes, I drank. But, nobody saw me doing anything, that’s why the thought me as the purest girl in the world. My mother sometimes laughed at the image in which I was portrayed as the dream girl by every parent. I sometimes felt burdened due to the images. I felt that as I grew the surroundings around us became more and more complex. I hated the
Complexity of life. I hated birthdays. I felt like that with growing age I will grow up and the complexities will choke me, everyone whom I loved would be lost, lost in the sea of death. This became my fear. My fear increased a lot after ma’s death. I stopped talking with every person for two months. I started to think that I was responsible for her sudden death. I felt like a zombie. I lost my whole cheerfulness. Then when you appeared and asked me what was wrong. Then I could not control myself. That night, I cried yes I cried like a mad person, I cried throughout the whole night. During that week, I behaved like a manic. I consumed sleeping pills, I made out with random guys in the night club. I drank a lot. It became like a routine to me. I stopped studying during the week. But in the morning, when you came, I for the first time in weeks felt ashamed of myself. I will not forget the moments in thousand and hundred years. You came inside my room and eyed the whole room. Though I behaved weird, my room was clean. But the think that caught your attention was the tablets of sleeping pills that were piled in my bedside table. You slowly sat beside me, took my face in your hand and put your lips on my lips. As you smoked cigarettes, your mouth has the faint aroma of cigarette. After a few moments of struggle, your tongue took dominance and finally parted after sharing a few moments. After that, you placed hot open mouth kisses in my neck. You slowly unzipped my jacket and in a moment or to, I was naked. You slowly took me breast in your hand and toyed with it until it hardened. You suckled it like a baby. While you were doing this, a pleasurable moan escaped from my lips. You took notice of that and treated the other breast like that. Then, you slowly kissed my lips again. While kissing me, you opened the foil of condom and in a swift motion you were inside me. You thrusted in me again and again but not in a hard way, just
Like when people do if they in real love. But the love between you and me was not real. But at that moment, I could not say anything. I was lost in maze of sexuality. I loved when you shouted my name in a whisper like manner and I loved the feeling of you inside me. It was the very first and last make out session between two of us. That day, I needed that and I did not complain as I was not sober. But after the incident, when you fell asleep, I gained my consciousness. I blamed myself for it and I also promised myself that there will be no more sexual relationship between two of us. While I got ready, you were sleeping. I never knew that you talked in your sleep. That day you were muttering something in your sleep. When I listened carefully, I heard the sentence: Modhubani, I am sorry for …playing….I loved you ….you became 1st …..I could not come near … I felt sick… me sorry. If I put these words, then a sentence is formed: Modhubani I am sorry for playing with your feelings. I loved you but then you came 1st and I could not compete with you. When I thought that I felt sick. So, I decided to play with your feelings. I am sorry. Hearing those words, I felt there was a terrible earthquake or as if the ground beneath my feet had collapsed. I felt sick. After ma’s death, this one was also a shock. But, this time I knew all the things in advance. You only confirmed my doubt! But I promised to myself that I will not cry any more. For whom will I cry? A heartless man? Who only cares for his career and about nothing else? I felt sorry for you. I also understood that you were suffering from insecurity. If you were not suffering from insecurity, then you have not taken that step where you had to risk someone’s heart? In that very moment I forgave you. The day went very fast. I woke you up from sleep during noon. After you went out, consuming to two cups of black coffee, I felt sleepy. I laid down where you were sleeping. Though I felt sleepy, I could not sleep. Then I wondered, what was between you and I?
I LOVE THE VIDEO OF YOU AND I. THE BEST SONG OF ONE DIRECTION.
VOTE AND COMMEMT.
ANY END CHAPTER THOUGHTS?
moubanipal