I remember the day I met her. She was not the kind of girl that people tend to
view as being beautiful. Most of the people in my school saw beauty where it was artificial. The girls with the make-up caked onto their face or the ones with the shirts that were just a little bit too low. She wasn't anything like those girls, and that's probably what made me gravitate to her so easily. And no matter what anyone else thought of her, all I saw in her was beauty.
She was very erudite, she costantly had her nose buried into a book during lunch and her attention glued onto the teacher during class. She didn't have many friends, I noticed, and I wondered if maybe she valued school that much that she couldnt focus on friendship. Part of me was going to take that hint and just not even bother, but I could not help it. I was just so drawn to her.
When I did finally reach out to talk to her, I could finally see that behind the scholarly layer, she was indeed very affable. She seemed to enjoy my company during class and lunch, and within a few days we would be making arrangements as to when we would meet up between classes to talk. She was just so easy to talk to. It took no time before we knew so much about each other; I told her so much. I could talk to her about more than I could talk to my guy friends about.
It wasn't long until I began to fall for her. It hurt so much to do so, because she only saw me as a friend. She would always tell me about the guys she liked, and about the ones she actuallly gave a chance. It bothered me, yes, but I wasn't going to say anything. I didn't want my feelings to get in between our amazing friendship. So I kept my feelings shut away and watched on as our lives progressed.
And now I'm here. I fixed my tie and blazer jacket as I walked through the church doors. People were still arriving, so thankfully, I wasn't late. I walked down the right aisle and took a seat in one of the pews in the back of the church. The crowd began to grow silent as a few extra minutes progressed. I turned my head as the ornate church doors were opened slowly, and quickly shoved back my feelings of regret. Today was supposed to be a happy day. Even if it wasnt necessarily a happy day for me.
I watched as she walked through those doors, a pure white ballgown adorned. She still wore her glasses, and her smile was enormous. The gown was ruffled with a long train, and her bodice was covered with a gossamer lace. She looked absolutely stunning, and it took a large sum of my will to keep myself from running out of those church doors. She walked down the aisle slowly, on the arm of her father. I glanced up at the front of the church, where the man I wish I could take the place of stood. She glanced over at me and flashed me that adorable smile of hers as she made her way to the front. I sighed, and forced a smile back, even though she wasn't watching..
I was happy for her, I could tell how much the two of them loved each other before today. But now that they were here, in this grandiose church, with the surrounding supportive family, their love for each other was truly aggrandized. The only way I could stand the vows was to block out all of it. So I just sat there, pretending that I was just as supportive of their relationship as anyone else, when in reality, I was in so much pain.
It wasn't long before the ceremony was finished, and the couple made their way outside to greet everyone as they exited the church. I stood up, and the reverberating church bells sounded as I made my way towards the two of them. She stood there, her face filled with joy as she wrapped her arms around me tightly.
"I'm really glad you came. Thank you!"
I forced a smile back, and kissed her cheek. I wasn't glad I came. I didn't even want to come to her wedding in the first place. But I went to make her happy. Seeing her joy was the little bit of compensation I got from showing up.
"I wish you both the best future,"
I nodded and pulled away from her embrace, making my way outside. The surrounding aura of happiness was outweighed by my immense sadness.
If only I had said something.
If only I had done something.