The light wind felt on the face and the warmth of the sun falling on my hands, the smile on the faces, and the happiness in the environment, made me feel what a wonderful gift God gave me which people usually call “LIFE”. Lucky are the ones who get this.
I planned living life like an ordinary person; my journey had the same plan containing the same urge, starting with school then college and job and not to forget the strength to fight with the thirsty eyes of society whenever I step out from my house, protecting myself from all dirty eyes, as I was born as a “girl”. Something which was different was, having an extra ordinary dream in an ordinary eye. From the start, I knew what I wanted, what I have to achieve. I was determined to accomplish my dream, a dream for what I was living which was to be an IPS officer. By accomplishing it, I not only wanted to prove myself right but also wanted to make my parents feel proud of myself. So to complete this mission I went on this journey. I knew it was difficult, a path full of thorns and cactus, but I also knew it won’t be impossible. By God’s grace and my hard work I cleared the entrance exam and got admission in a good Mumbai college. I started my journey to complete my dream, though my mother was not happy with my decision of moving so far from the hometown but somehow my father convinced her. It was time for my leave taking and when I hugged her, that fear emerged again in her eye and I could clearly look that, which reminded me of the incident happened years ago with my mother. It was quite dark when she was returning from her friend’s place and the route towards her home was as quiet as falling snow, some intoxicated boys were sitting by the roadside, she was so afraid to pass, and as soon as she reached near them, one of the boys came near her teasing and commenting on her, she ignored them as much as she could. Her pulses were so fast, tears were about to flow but she controlled herself then in a split of second they all circled her, watching her with thirst in their eyes, she started screaming for help, begging to leave her alone it was looked as if she was talking to immortals. They started touching her, she collected all her guts and slapped him, and she somehow managed to run from there as fast as she could. That was an incident which broke her completely and it took some days, weeks or maybe months to forget it. She knew that humanity was already dead. Whenever I used to step out of the house, she always had that fear inside her; she didn’t want me to suffer like she did. This was the reason of her fear for such a big city. She was absolutely correct at her place because being from a small town and then going to such a big place could be a difficult task, when there’s a danger in every step for girls, but still my father had complete faith on me. He knew his daughter could soar up high to the sky and fight with everything and this was the thing that gave me strength each time to fight with the deadliest situation. Bidding good-bye, I boarded my train.
Breathing in a completely new air, containing dirt particles smoke and a bit more, still it was so good to breathe in the air as this was the place from where my journey was going to begin. The city had a different charm which cannot be explained but could be felt. The college started quite normally and I didn’t have many friends rather no friends at all as I was so much into my own world of books that I never got time to interact with others. On one fine day while I was sitting in the library preparing for a class test, which has to be held the next day, a boy- I guess Siddhartha, my classmate, joined me asking for help for the test, I happily helped him. Suddenly a senior came looking for a book and tried to touch me with wrong intentions, I slapped him and called the in-charge faculty. It seems like these days men consider girls a machine to satisfy their needs. The next day when I was having lunch in the mess Siddhartha approached me and handed me a Cadbury silk, saying thank you, as he was the one who topped in that test and for the bravery I showed yesterday with the senior, he seemed quite impressed. On the other hand, I was a bit jealous from him that he topped and it was very obvious, but still I accepted it. After that day, he used to seek for my help and sometimes me too and with the passage of time we became good friends. Though he was the smartest guy in our batch and I was amongst the geeks, he had no problem in calling me his friend and I pretty much liked that part of him. Our bond became stronger day by day. All was going well and now was the time for our final exams. My parents used to call daily to ask how I was doing, they always asked me to come back as somewhere they were not confident that I would be able to do it. But I wanted to make it happen because everything I was doing was for them, I wanted to make them feel proud so that when they walk down the streets people could proudly say look Gayatri’s parents are going and this is what every parent wish to have from their offspring, belonging from a small town like Gorakhpur every parent would worry about their child and so do my parents. But I knew what I wanted and I used to convince them.
The meetings between me and Siddhartha increased, we used to study together in the library and for the break we used to go to the CCD for a cold coffee as we both loved it. His sense of humour was amazing. I don’t know but somewhere in the midst of the studies, laughs and coffee there was something more, something to be felt happy about. I didn’t realize, but I used to like him. My day used to start with his call, everything was associated with him now but I stopped myself and concentrated on my studies. I just focused on them and by God’s grace I topped the college and Siddhartha stood second. Hearing this, he got completely mad and hugged me in that crowded corridor. We were happy and celebrated together; I called up my parents and told them about this great news. They were so happy that they announced for a feast and invited the entire village. I was on cloud nine. But it was just a milestone achieved and there was still so much to come. Now was time for the training and the destination chosen was difficult to survive, it was near Manali. The 15 days break was over and it was time to head back to the destination. My parents came to see me off at the station. As always my mother was still convincing me not to go but all thanks to my father who stopped her and hugged me and said, “I want to meet an IPS officer when I see you next time” listening this line I had tears in my eyes and then I promised to myself that I have to make it true. Taking their blessings I headed off towards my journey. As I reached the place Siddhartha was standing there, his eyes in search of my soul. As I walked towards him, he gave a smirk which made him look like the cutest boy in town. I noticed that he wanted to say something and I guess I knew what was it, but before he could say anything I interrupted and said, “Please do not to speak anything as I won’t be able to say a yes, I am here to achieve my dreams.” He very patiently replied,” Don’t worry baby I know and I won’t. I will ask you this question when we both will achieve this, together.” Hearing this I felt so relieved because I don’t want to lose him and I loved him too. I was happy that he understood every bit of me when I did not even uttered a word to him. I felt the luckiest person in the world. Interrupting us, a messenger came up informing us to report at the hill top. The training session started, routine was waking at 4:30am, running for about 5 kilometres then some exercises then after a gap a cycle race, some mind competitions and much more mind-shaking difficulties, which was so difficult to deal with in the beginning but I had to, not for me but for the confidence that my parents had in me, for that I had to and for Siddhartha, for us and I knew I had no choice but to end it up winning it. Walking together hand in hand with him and winning the trophy from here. And finally the day came, after so much of hard work of six months it was the time for our results. And what I heard, it totally astonished my eyes and ears, four candidates got selected including me and Siddhartha and I watched my dream walking straight toward me, the trophy with the honour. I wished the time had stopped and it was me and him and our dream looking with the wide open eyes under this beautiful sky. That was the best day I ever lived. After living up my dream with open eyes we packed our bags for Gorakhpur. I gave a surprise to mom and dad they were so happy to see us, I told him everything that happened, he was so happy and was so proud, my mother had tears in her eyes, first time ever she was so proud of me. Dad asked me for anything I want to add up in my life and anything that seems missing from my life and without doubting I answered Siddhartha, he was a little confused and I told him everything. He was a little fuzzy at first but he couldn’t say ‘No’ to me and agreed for our marriage. And everything happened exactly what I dreamt of Siddhartha and I were together, with our two kids and we were posted in nearby towns so there were no issues for meeting , I couldn’t believe whatever was happening with me, it was like I was living in my own little bubble of happiness.
But here goes the turn and you would be so happy after reading this, I could imagine the glitters you would have in your eyes after reading my story but Alas! It was all a dream I felt that everything I had was going away from me, I was feeling helpless and a strange force was forcing me away from all this, it could have been true if I would have given up a chance to live in this world, to breathe in this air, but before I could live in my own little bubble of happiness and before I could become so strong to fight with the thirsty eyes of society and before I could learn to survive - they were killing me brutally; I started to feel that this was my family who was forcing it they were the people for whose pride I was thinking to live to make them proud, to give them what every parent wish to have. And here they are killing me brutally. But you would be thinking why? The reason is as simple as it seems because I was a GIRL and a girl is not acceptable in a society where my parents were living. And that’s the reason for my death. I wonder when it would all end up, when people will start realizing that girls are no less than boys. I know I can’t do anything but I know you can, who all are reading this. As “All that matters is just a choice”. And that is what makes you.
“THE SLAUGHTER OF INNOCENCE”
It was a day full of cheer
When I got this wonderful news to hear,
It was a special feeling I ever had
Everything I was seeing, was making me mad,
The time was near when I opened my eyes
Allowing my parents to live a dream with gazing eyes,
Taking birth in a nation that Gandhi and Nehru made
To continue the ritual of non-violence they together laid,
It was now when I felt the doctors entering in my room
And my mom, pleading to see me live once on the same noon,
Every preparation was done to watch my appearance on the screen
My parents entered excitedly for watching their biggest dream,
Oh wow! It was me a small little girl
No it was no anomaly but a cute little pearl,
For me it was just a dream come true
It was just like a fluke,
For me it was like a dream come true
But no there is something that remains undue,
My Mom and Dad are feeling distressed
They are not feeling to be well blessed,
Their biggest dreams are turning to worst nightmares
Why why and why are they so much in flares,
Just because they wished for a baby boy
But God gifted them with a baby girl,
Ouch! What is this happening to me?
Is something being wrong done to me,
Oh no! God this is not true
My own mom-dad wants me to screw,
Ah! I am losing my breathe
Ain’t my mom there for my help?
Oh no! She is the one, who is doing this to me
How can she come and help me,
Alas! It was so bad done to me
Everything I dreamt of, was snatching from me,
I never thought of dying before seeing the world
I pray you God, to never give a doll to the people who swirled.