I told her to stay but then, she left me here standing frozen like a snowman, not feeling the coldness of the heavy rain, pouring, drenching me.
When I told her I love her, her smile slowly turned into a frown and her face turned pale. Then she met my eyes and said she's sorry.
"Why are you sorry?"
"I cannot love you, Riv" she answered "I can't."
"Why?"
"Please, stop" she said.
"I - I'm sorry" I apologized but still I wanted to hug her and kiss away her showing pain.
"You know how I am" she said.
"Please stay, still" I said "I know you tend to disappear when people tell you they love you" I continued "You told me so but I have grown to love you anyway."
She gazed up then looked away.
"Then, this is goodbye" she said suddenly.
"Mei, don't say that" I said immediately and pulled her close to me "Please don't leave, I " - she pulled herself away from me - "accept the rejection you did with my heart but please, we're still friends."
"Riv, you can't be friends with people you love" she paused for a while "more than friends" she continued "And I can't take being friends with someone who does love me like that, most especially when I don't reciprocate what is given" she added "We've had a lot of conversations and I have learned to care for you but not more than friends because I did not allow myself to."
As if we were in a play, a skit, a dialogue, a two-man movie, this played again in my mind.
"Mei" I said her name again but she turned away, her back on me.
"Riv, let's be strangers again" she said "Even if were strangers with memories together" she added.
I heard her chuckle softly, more like forced. Then she started walking away.
Why didn't I said anything after that? Why did I just watch her leave? Why did I not pull her towards me again?
Her brokenness had pulled her towards me, once broken, too, now broken twice. If I had not met her broken, and did not love her more than friends, maybe, I'll still have her. I did not expect anything from this. I just did not really foresaw how she'll react. I was too comfortable with her, I forgot that not everything of her... I know.
She confuses me a lot of times but I love how she makes me carefree and not restricted and pretentious. With her, I feel more like myself. I can't explain how but she brings out the real me, the one I thought had already been dead.
But what now? She left. She left and I did not run to catch up with her. I just stand here, just that, doing nothing much yet my mind played the times I spent with her. All of it had created a light, a sunshine and a sunset in my life.
We are friends.
Strangers? Are we really gonna be that again? Should I then unfollow her on social media? Should I just forget everything and then move on? Just feel cold and forget?
Am I even be called a man with that?
Don't give up on those you love. That we have mostly said. Then, we also say, if you love someone, learn to let them go. I love her but she chose to say goodbye. Should I then let her go? Or should I still pursue her and hope she's just confused and frustrated, or just shocked.
I'm not a little boy anymore who may cry and then just punch my way to get what I want. She's fragile, enough to break again if I make a mistake. But wouldn't it be better if we try and take a risk?
Mei. I really wanted to say her name, even if it means over and over again, so just to will her to appear.
"Riv"
I heard her voice from behind so I turned, hoping she is not a hallucination or just a mind trick because I badly want to see her.
There she stands, drenched too, just like me. Her beauty still struck and awe me, I fixed my eyes on her.
'Please don't disappear' I thought to myself.
I walk towards her and hugged her tight.
"Mei" I said her name again "Stay."
Command or demand, whatever this may sound but I said it. Whatever makes her happy is fine with me. But she's here, nothing matters anymore.
I held her hand and guided her to the kiosk a bit far from where we were standing. We're already wet all over so what is the point in being here? Don't know.
We stood beside each other. Then she turned to look at me, stretching her right hand as if for a handshake.
"I'm Mei Marden, hope we can be friends" she said, smiling.
"I'm Riv Adrian, happy to be your friend" I said, taking her outstretched hand, smiling back.
The rain had started to become a drizzle. Strangers pass by with their umbrellas, some taking a glance at us, some not taking notice to the two beings that had become strangers for a moment.
We can make more memories, I hope. I know this story is cliché. Typical. Not new. Like other stories.
But this isn't a love story, this isn't ours. Maybe, I don't make a sense, maybe, I do, but this story is us.