Stupid Stuff

For one whole year, I kept my head on the desk. I dropped almost everything to get a good result. Guess what I failed and it is not the only failure I encountered.From the past two years, I'm failing. I'm trying hard and failing. 
Today was the result of my competitive engineering exam and I couldn't qualify. I appeared for the second time and failed again. 
I remember the time when I couldn't perform well in my 12th boards, that was the most painful thing that happened to me I thought but no I was wrong there were more heartbreaking things waiting for me. I couldn't get admission in college last year because I couldn't qualify any competitive exam.I dropped last year to reappear for the competitive exam this time and I failed. For the whole year, I treated myself like a failure and keep reminding myself 'you are still struggling'. 
I didn't only kill my hopes and happiness but of my parents too. They never forced me to take up science it was my decision. It was my decision to drop the year and not to take admission in any local college. All my decisions were wrong. I wasted one whole year over something that was (now I think not made for me) unreachable. 
I shattered their hopes, their happiness and wasted the money they spend on me.
Sitting here heartbroken and writing stupid stuff is not going to change anything. These things are going to remain broken forever.
I don't care if someone is reading it or not I just want to take this all out from my chest. However, this might not take out the pain from my chest.
I'm completely aware now how a failure looks like what is the To Do List of a failure.
With the feeling that I'm good for nothing and never going to accomplish anything in life I'm ending this post. I can end a post but to end my life I need to put down the responsibility I have for my siblings.