Take it from an over-thinker

Over-thinking is (and forever shall be) the bane of my existence.

The irony of it all? I feel my brain switch from overdrive to dumb-as-a-doorknob as I type this sentence.

Let's try getting it back up there, what say?

Shouldn't be too hard.

All I need to do is think about that girl in my class for whom I have feelings. And how we don't spend nearly as much time as I'd like to, which I find rather distressing because we seem to get along well enough. She spends more time with someone else than me, something I can't seem to digest for some unfathomable reason, it's perfectly natural and acceptable to hang out with whomever you fancy, no one can tell you otherwise, but that doesn't mean I have to like it (there's the irrational jealousy I've grown accustomed to), just the thought of them together makes me feel like I'm morphing into the physical embodiment of Shakespeare's green-eyed monster, (my poor penmanship is the reason my sentences seem disjointed, my hands can't type as fast my brain thinks) as I feel my sadistic side torturing my meek side with imaginary scenarios as to what they talk about, just the two of them, and now I'm replaying imaginary scenarios of how I'd ask her out should the time come, all the while knowing there won't be one (my phone's just gone off, and as I scramble towards it, I gaze at the notification LED - red; it's a news alert, probably something about the Trump administration, nothing important), and now I'm thinking about why she hasn't texted me back, maybe she's texting him, I mean, why else wouldn't she reply (I realised how petty this sounds about 2 lines down, makes me feel like I'm a crappy friend, I'd be a terrible boyfriend, maybe she's better off without me), maybe I should be happy that she's happy, even if I'm not even in the picture (something I'm quite selfishly not willing to accept, I mean, why can't she be with me what she is with him?), but then, some respite, I remember the last time she said something to me, I vividly remember her texting me "you're funny :)," a sentence I found myself poring over for something like 17 hours to no end, the sandcastles in the air yada yada, my point is this - I have no point. I have no point whatsoever. And yet, my own thoughts continue to torment me. Is there nothing to assuage my conscience?

I should mention that it is currently 2:57 A.M. And I seem to have woken up my roommate.

How can intangible feelings have such an effect on my demeanor? I don't feel like going back to bed, because I know as soon as my head hits the pillow, all my thoughts will come rushing back to me. And I don't want to stay awake, because I know where to my mind will wander.  Sometimes, I wish I could only think in the form of crunching numbers. Sometimes, I wish life were binary. Sometimes, I wish our Universe was just a simulation. Maybe it'd be easier to console myself that I was just a glitch as opposed to a societal misfit.

Just got a text.

It's from her this time.

Not tonight, babe.

I'm tired.