Present
“She’s beautiful. She’s so beautiful.” These are the first words that came out of my mouth when my memory came back.
“Who?” My mom asked wiping her tears
“Death.” That word just slipped out of my mouth as if it has a life of its own.
_______________________
Earlier
RING...RING....RING
I woke up from the alarm that’s been ringing nonstop. I turned it off and got up with my head throbbing in pain. My eyes widened to see that it’s already 7:21am and my class is at 7:30.
WTF?!?! That’s the third time this week I woke up late, Mrs. Davis is going to kill me this time.
I hurried to my bathroom and quickly splashed my face with water just enough to wake myself up. I can’t even describe how fast I changed into my school uniform and ran out of my apartment.
“Late again boy? You look like you haven’t even eaten your breakfast Thomas.” Mrs. Jones yelled. She’s my friendly neighbor and a mother of two who lives just right next to my apartment. Well she’s the only nice person to me since I moved here to study.
“It’s fine Mrs. Jones, I have to get to school!” I yelled back while running backwards to see her.
“Don’t be silly, here grab one.” She replied and tossed me a sandwich in a ziplock bag.
“Thank you!” I yelled
While running I took a bite of the sandwich. Well she was partly right about me not having my breakfast because I also didn’t eat my dinner last night and maybe that explains why my head hurts this morning.
Time check on my watch and it’s 7:28am. Good thing my school isn’t too far from where I’m staying but it doesn’t exempt me from getting late. I’m almost there and I turned left heading to the pedestrian lane before the light could turn green. To my surprise a speeding car is going in my direction that almost hit me.
“HEY WATCH IT!!” I screamed furiously as I halt to face the driver who’s still inside the car. How rude, he didn’t even went out to apologize but he’s lucky I don’t have much time.
“Ugh can this day get any worse?” I hissed
I turned my gaze on the way and saw a figure wearing a black robe standing 10 feet away from me and he’s holding some sort of a weapon. I think it’s called a scythe. I stood there frozen as I’m watching him and people are just walking past this figure like I’m the only one who can see him. It’s March 3rd for pete sake! Who on earth would wear a Halloween costume?!?!?
Before I could even hurry he lifted his stare from the ground and fixed his eyes on me. It turns out he is a woman! Not just an ordinary woman but the most breathtaking woman I’ve seen. Her long brown hair slightly covers her face as it’s flown by the wind and her skin is pale as paper.
I almost forgot to breathe when she laid her eyes on me. This is the weirdest feeling I got from someone especially with a warm smile and a cold stare. I could feel every hair in my body standing from fear. My eyes widened to what I’m seeing.
“Come with me.” She finally spoke in a silvery voice and all the noise around me faded and I found myself standing in an empty space with this beautiful woman in front of me.
“I...I. Wha-...” I stuttered struggling to find the words.
“Do not be afraid. I’ll explain to you everything on the way so come with me.” She ordered slightly reassuring me and the noise slowly faded into a dead silence when she said those words.
I’m still confused but I obeyed her anyways as if I have another choice.
I find myself walking right next to her in a dark endless tunnel and the only light guiding us is the one on the very end.
“You are such a good person Thomas, it saddens me that an innocent like you suffers from the selfishness of other people.” She said looking at me and ghad her silver eyes filled with swirling smoke caught my attention. I’ve never seen eyes like that.
“I..I don’t get it.” I replied still confused
“Of course you are but I understand.” She replied turning her gaze on the path.
“And I’m not that innocent.” I added sounding guilty.
“Oh Thomas, it wasn’t your fault.” She stated with a hint of sympathy
“What do you mean? I asked
“It wasn’t your fault that Tristan died.” She replied
Tristan.
His name echoes in my ears for the very first time after months since that accident. My brother. Who should still be alive today if I only wasn’t such a jerk to run away that cold winter night that he ran after me only to get himself hit by a car. I shut everyone off after that including my friends and family.
“Who are you?” I finally asked after coming back to my senses. It feels like we’ve been walking for ages since she brought that up.
“Who do you think I am?” She asked challenging me
“I don’t really know maybe some sort of a grim reaper? I wasn’t really expecting you’d be a gir-woman. What do you do?” I guessed
“I’m far from what you expected hmm. I guide souls to their destination.” She finally said
“Funny. Now that you brought that up will you please guide me to school? I don’t have time for whatever sorcery this is, I’m already la-.” I looked at my watch and realized it stopped working.
“Silly child, you are not going anywhere unless you take that monster off your chest. The time here is nonexistent.” She said almost laughing
Her mood again shifted into an emotionless expression. “The world is only getting worse and innocent people like you and your brother are the ones who pays the price.”
“Wait, you guide souls? Does that mean I’m dead? But I’m pretty much alive.” I asked trying to process her words
“Not yet but for now you’ll be doing something that could change your life.” She said
Change my life? What does that even mean?
“We’re here.” She said breaking the silence
Before I could even ask her we already reached the end of the tunnel. The light is so blinding while we’re entering and suddenly I’m speechless. It’s the most wonderful place I’ve ever been to. It must be heaven but she told me I’m not dead so what is this place exactly?
“Excuse me but wh-“ before I could even finish I realized she’s not with me anymore.
I continued wandering the place and it’s just beautiful everywhere I look. I can feel the soft grass beneath my shoes in each step. I see butterflies flying around my legs and flowers that I have never seen in my life are blooming right before my eyes. The trees are so huge that I almost lost my balance trying to see the top. The sky is so clear and it might be my favorite part here. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and I never felt so good. This place has the freshest air you can breathe and it’s all perfect. Yes, that’s right, it’s perfect.
“Enjoying the sky? It’s also my favorite here.” Said a very familiar voice that I have never heard in I don’t know how long.
I slowly opened my eyes still looking at the sky and turned to the man talking to me. My jaw dropped at the sight of that person.
It’s my brother..
My twin brother. It’s like I’ve been standing in front of a mirror again. Same green eyes, same nose and a tall slim figure. The only difference is he’s smiling and it’s the happiest I’ve seen him since that tragic accident. Unlike me. I’m empty on the inside.
“Oh Thomas I missed you buddy!” He said excitedly while wrapping me in an embrace
I’m still left speechless and frozen, before I even say a word tears are already streaming down my face. I returned his embrace but tighter because I still can’t believe this is all happening.
“Tristan..I..I’m so..I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have been such an as*hole to run away that night. You shouldn’t have got into that accident.” I trembled while choking back tears.
“Shhh. I never blamed you Thomas it was an accident. None of us wanted it to happen. It’s all in the past now and stop blaming yourself.” He replied trying to calm me
“I missed you buddy!” I said breaking our hug and scanning him from head to toe to make sure he is real.
“I missed you too dude. I am worried sick about you and please put yourself together. I hate seeing you like this. Look at you! You’re not eating right and from those dark circles under your eyes it explains that your not sleeping enough. Why are you shutting everyone out? What’s happening with you Thomas?” He replied worriedly.
“How did you know?” I asked “You’re right. I know I messed up so bad it’s just that-I just..I don’t know anymore. Since you’re gone I’m not myself anymore. You’re my twin and I lost half of myself. It’s so different to be separated from you, it’s like learning how to walk again. It feels so hard to be alone.” I explained
“But you’re not alone. Mom is still there. She’s trying Thomas, she’s trying so hard. By what you’re doing you’re only making her feel like she lost two sons instead of just one. Don’t make her feel that way, she loves you so much.” He explained
Now I just realized how much I f*cked up. “I-I’m sorry.” I responded as another tear threatens to fall but I blinked it away before it could.
“I know you are and I also know how hard it is for you. You can do this.” He said encouraging me
“I-I still can’t believe this but I’m so happy. Now we can finally be together and catch up on everything we missed. I can stay here and-“ he cut me before I could finish
“Thomas, you can’t stay here. It’s not your time yet. Think about mom, she’s struggling too and she needs you and you need her. Think about our plans bro. The one we always speak of when we’re young.” He reminded me
“Oh..mom. You’re right. I muttered realizing what he said. “Well our plans are not the same without you Tristan. I can’t do it.” I admitted
“If you can’t do it for yourself then do it for me...and for mom. Fight for me Thomas, I believe in you.” Now go she’s waiting for you. He told me
“Waiting? Who? But I don’t wanna go yet.” I complained
“Evangeline. The one who guided you all the way here. Me too buddy, I wish you could stay longer but you have to. Don’t worry time will come. See you again Thomas.” He finally said smiling
“I won’t give up I promise.” Those are our last words and we hugged each other longer for the last time. I walked back to that tunnel but before I leave I looked back and waved him goodbye with a smile on my lips. He did the same and for the first time I felt whole again. I never realized how heavy my chest was until I felt how light it is now. I continued walking and there she is now, waiting.
“How do you feel now?” She asked and for the the first time she smiled.
“I actually feel better now and I’m sure of it, Evangeline.” I smirked and we started walking again
“Oh that boy I told him not tell my name to anyone and now there’s two of you who knows it.” She replied now in her usual emotionless expression.
Well that’s Tristan, he can’t keep a secret from me.
“I guess that we’re even now since you seem to know everything about me. I at least get to know your name.” I joked
“It doesn’t matter you won’t remember any of it anyway. Now let’s go back to your world.” She added
“I still don’t get why you brought me here. Why?” I asked changing the topic
“There are questions that don’t need answers. Things just happen and it’s up to you to find out why.” Her words sounding more like a riddle
While I’m still processing what she said in my head the dark tunnel slowly faded back to the street where I was standing a while ago. We kept walking and I looked at everyone around me and not a single person notice her.
“Only you can see me Thomas.” She said softly
“Well..I still haven’t thank you for doing this. Thank you.” I said sincerely
“Don’t thank me it’s only my job to take you there.” She replied
“So who’s idea is this?” I wondered
“Someone way higher than me though it’s not part of his plans but a single mistake can change everything.” She answered
“Oh...so it must be God then. Thank me for him will you?” I asked
“If that’s what you call him then God it is then. Thanking him through a prayer does the job boy so be grateful and have faith. Don’t let the evil in this world influence you.” She advised
Her words struck me. I’m not really that religious type of person but I was born catholic and my mom would always brought us to church every Sunday. As kids she would always scare us that we’d burn in hell if we don’t pray before we sleep but I’m all grown up and things have changed. I stopped praying since Tristan’s death, I thought God abandoned us. Between the two of us, he’s the most faithful one and maybe that’s why God took him because he’s too good for the world. Without realizing it I found myself in front of my apartment.
“Wait why did you bring me here?” I asked her
“Rest Thomas. You had a long day.” She ordered
“OH GHAD!! I still have to go to school maybe I could still catch up on the second subject!” I panicked while messing my hair with no idea what to do
“Why don’t you check the time?” She said raising an eyebrow
I checked the time and it’s already 4:37pm. I just realized my watch started working again. HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN? It was all so fast.
“Wha-..why? How?” I’m lost for words once again
“It’s fine Thomas now get inside.” She said assuring me
I took a deep breath and looked at her. “Okay okay.” I said in defeat. “I guess this is goodbye then?”
“It is. Goodbye Thomas, may you live a meaningful life.” She said in her usual silvery voice. And with a smile she slowly disappeared in a swirl of black and purple shadows.
Ughh my head hurts again I need to lie down. I went straight to bed and without realizing it I fell into a deep sleep.
_______________________
Present
I woke up to a blinding light above me. I can hear blurry noises everywhere and I tried to get up but my head was spinning.
“Oh thank God you’re awake! Don’t move, you should be resting.” She cried while pulling my hand to kiss it. Mom. She’s here next to me.
“I was so so worried. I thought I’d lose you too. I can’t bare another pain of losing you son. People don’t really care if they hit someone.” She trembled
“She’s beautiful. She’s so beautiful.” These are the first words that came out of my mouth when my memory came back.
“Who?” My mom asked wiping her tears
“Death.” That word just slipped out of my mouth as if it has a life of its own.
Then a knock on the door broke the silence after I said those words. A woman wearing white came in.
“It’s actually a miracle that you wakeup earlier than we expected especially with the huge trauma your head has endured.” She told me without hiding her surprise
“How is he doc?” My mom asked
“He is going to be fine but as of now he might act weirdly but that’s because of the anesthesia and drugs we used during his surgery. So that would be all and I’ll leave you two alone.” She said then left
“Wait I had surgery? But why?” I asked in confusion
“The doctors did their best to save you after you got hit by a car.” She said
“Well I’m pretty sure I didn’t. I even arrived at my apartment.” I told her in disbelief
“No son, you didn’t.” She insisted
“No that can’t be possible I swear I even managed to yell at the driver and ow-.” I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my head. Now I’m starting to realize the reality I’m in. I scanned the room to see myself lying in a hospital bed. That woman...but I can’t remember her name and Tristan...it can’t be a dream. Everything that I remembered felt so real.
“I saw Tristan mom.” I blurted
I told her everything that happened and she listened very well. I know she’s still processing everything I said but she gave me a very understanding smile and it calmed me down.
“You didn’t tell us that you’ve been struggling Thomas.” She sounded full of worries
Her words stabbed me and I suddenly felt guilty.
“I just don’t want to bother any of you. I know you’ve been trying to make both ends meet since dad left, I don’t want to be a burden. I’m sorry mom.” I said
“You worried me so much. It’s not your fault. I wish I was there when you were struggling, I can’t lose another son.” She cried without holding her tears anymore
“No mom I’m sorry. I should’ve been more understanding about our situation.” I confessed and now I understood why this happened. It is to open my eyes and see life in a different angle. Maybe some people chose death because it isn’t so bad at all but rather beautiful. Those people who ended theirs might not have anyone to listen to them. What if we all just listened instead of criticizing we might’ve save a lot of lives.
_______________________
2 weeks later
I’ve been busier lately since I need to catch up on a lot of my subjects since my accident. Now I’m on my way to school.
“Good morning mrs. Jones!” I greeted
“Oh good morning Thomas! Come by for dinner, we’ll be having shepherd’s pie.” She said
“Great! I’ll make sure to come home early then.” I replied excitedly and continued walking
It’s such a great day to be brand new. I’ve been talking to God more often and I’m opening up to my mom. And I say it’s the best decision I made. No longer living in the past and shutting people out. I learned to give myself a chance to live. I look up to the sky and smiled so Tristan could see how happy I am.
I continued walking and I caught something on the corner of my eye. I looked to my right and saw a black figure and....
It’s her.
I couldn’t believe my eyes, she’s smiling at me and I remembered the feeling the first time we met but without the fear this time. I smiled back but I blinked to make sure it’s all real. She’s gone the moment I opened my eyes. Even if it was a dream I still believed everything that happened and it’s all for a reason.
_______________________
Author’s note:
Thank you so much for reaching this far I hope you liked the story as much as I do. This story is so close to my heart maybe because Thomas and I have so much in common and it just gives me the same feeling every time I go back to edit this. And I apologize for the typos and grammatical errors that I may not noticed (I’m sure there’s a lot) . I’d love to hear your thoughts about this and feel free to tell me which part to improve.
The hospital scene where Thomas thought he made it to his apartment is inspired from the movie “The Shack” ( go watch that movie if you haven’t). This story is all about family and faith but I want to highlight the importance of mental health. I want to raise awareness on mental illnesses and not romanticize death or suicide in case some of you are wondering. The part where Thomas said “Maybe some people chose death because it isn’t so bad at all but rather beautiful” is because he saw death (Evangeline) himself and experienced heaven.
I wrote a few fictions before but I never managed to finish them because I always thought they aren’t good enough and this is the first time I finished and published one. It was supposed to be out last January but I’m always hesitant to publish it because of all the thoughts in my mind. I’m afraid you may not like it or it’s too cliché. But hey here it is now for the world to read haha and as a writer that’s already a huge achievement to me.
Have a great day!