Some people falls in love and lasts...but some people falls for the wrong person... i'm one of the people who falls for the wrong ones...
Before starting my "Tough" love experience, let me tell you something about me.. i'm a normal teenager but i'm somehow different especially when it comes to relationships, it gets...complicated.
i grew up thinking that love sucks and it always ends up with someone breaking other person's heart and i promised myself that i will do whatever i want and talk to boys and hang out and maybe flirt BUT i will never fall in love....
at first it was okay but then i started to change... and that's the beginning of my "Love Life"...
Back to 2010~~
i was walking home after school with an old friend her name was Rolla and we saw this cute boy with his friend walking beside us but a bit far..
my "old friend" decided to get chips from a supermarket in front of our school but i decided to wait for her outside, and thats when i saw the cute boy's friend going after my friend to the supermarket and the cute boy waited for him outside too...
i layed a bit on a car and he wasn't standing in front of me but kept looking at the ground and it was just awkward because, no one broke the silent and I being the stupid me couldn't start a conversation, and then suddenly rolla and his friend came back and seemed to be playfully arguing about something and then the cute boy's friend grabbed him and they started walking behind me and rolla.
i asked her what was the cute boy's name and she told me it was Zack...
and she told me what happened with her and his friend...it turned out that rolla bought chips and she needed one more cent so the boy payed for it and they were arguing about how he can't pay for her but he insisted anyway as we were walking Rolla met her sister so we stopped because, she wanted to talk to her about something and i again waited a bit far...I saw Zack glance a bit and then said something to his friend and suddenly his friend turned and asked me "Can you call your friend for me?" and i said "Rolla? Sure" and he said "Wait um can you ask her if i bothered her when i payed for the chips?" so i went and asked rolla and she told him "No ofcourse not i wasn't bothered and thank you :)" and then he said okay great and he continued walking with Zack who was just standing away watching...
The next day, i saw Zack after school while walking home with Rolla but this time Me and Rolla was walking on the sidewalk and he was walking like the side of the street and he was walking the opposite way and Rolla decided to be a flirt and she said to herself out loud "Oh God not again, every time we walk this way after this cute thing It turn and walk the other way and when we follow it turns again and walks back oh shame on this cute thing" and he heard her because, He was near and there was a big jeep parked between us and him and Rolla was short he couldn't see her from behind the jeep and Me being the tall one he saw me and flashed his cute smile, chuckled and i smiled back and we continued walking.... everyday i see Zack at school, i started to "learn" more about him, i knew that He was a Hot shy boy that every single girl at school want him but he wasn't the type to go flirt with girls and that's what i really loved about him but i also liked that he was...mysterious, you never know what this boy was thinking about...
Zack used to glance every once in a while and smile at me and he used to catch me glancing at him :D...
Days passed and i started to have a crush on him... but i never had the guts to talk to him....
Months passed and same things happen everyday...Zack would stare at me and when i look at him he would look away and sometime keep staring and smile And I would glance at him but never showed any signs to let him to know that i like him...
Me and Rolla stopped talking and walking together and i was friend with my old enemy :D her name is Ariana, we used to fight a lot when we were young but then we became best friends and still friends gladly...Ariana knew that i liked Zack and She also had a crush on Zack's friend Matt, but she was just like me ...too shy to talk to him, but actually i wasn't shy it's just that i had a crush on a guy before and one day we were talking and i just gave him a few hints about how i felt and he figured out and he just rejected me harshly and that's when i decided not to tell any guy that i like them ever again...but i when i grew up i figured how stupid i was thinking that i had a crush on him , it wasn't a crush at all i just liked his looks nothing more :D but you know what, people make mistakes and i consider him as a mistake but i learned my lesson and that's why i never told Zack how i felt...Yep he never knew that i loved him and yes i fell in love with him after we talked let me tell you about it...
School ended and it was summer vacation ,my friend and i were chatting with friends on my facebook and Zack was online so my friend sent him "Hii :)" from my account of course and then he replied and we kept talking and i remember that day he sent me a song it was rascal flatts- life is a highway :D it was his second favorite song and his first was christina perri - A thousand years i loved that song too :)
Everything was perfect but we stopped talking for a while and then talked again 03:38 PM - 29 Jan 2013
it was good we had some sort of a friendship but at school we never talked face to face... I then made a few new friends and there was this guy his name was Zayn he was a friend of mine and he used to walk me home after school and Zack saw us everyday walking together and that's when he started....changing... he didn't talk to me anymore and i didn't see the sweet, shy guy that i liked...he was totally different...every time i catch him looking at me he just look the other and it's like he don't care anymore .....
A Few Months Later..
Zack started dating a girl named Maria...Me and Maria weren't friends although she was from the same grade as i was but i didn't really liked her that much back then but now we are somehow friends but not close ones.
I didn't really believed that Zack Dated Maria until one night i saw him walking her home...that day me and my friend Becca was talking about him but becca didn't know that i had a crush on him and she told me that he was dating Maria, at first i was like "no way she's probably wrong" but then we went out that night and we saw them and becca started laughing, zack was doing something on his phone but when he heard the laughs he looked up and saw me, he stared for a few minutes and looked back at his phone... me and becca and our friends went to a supermarket and i went out to ask Dana (sis) what she wanted and i saw him he was walking with his friend and becca called me and he heard and looked at me for a while and i went back to the supermarket....
months passed...Zack and Mariam are still going out and i was really bothered UNTIL ....:D i met my next crush...Kris
Me And Kris met in a private lesson, i was taking (physics private lesson) with my friend Allison and Mark (becca's brother) and one day Mr.Karl (physics teacher) called and said that three other boys are coming to my house for the private lesson and i said "Sure why not but do i know them?" and he said "Yes two from your school and the other boy is from another school" and i said "okay sure we'll be waiting for you" ... Me and Allison starting gossiping and talking about stuff, she said the other guy could be a hottie :D and we started laughing and messing around and later that night...Mr karl and the boys came and YES :D THE OTHER GUY WAS A HOT haha. we took the lesson but then the teacher gave us a break for about 15 minutes to do whatever we wanted...the boys went to the supermarket and Mark went to the Restroom So Now it was only Me,Allison And Kris... we didn't talk to him but i caught him a few times looking at me but i just ignored it, after the private lesson was over everyone left and i heard Mr.karl asking Kris if he would like to take the other private lessons with Me, allison and Mark or the other group and Karl said that he would let him know later, i was so excited to know if Kris was coming again..
a Week Later...
Its was wednesday (private lesson time) me and allison were so excited bec, we wanted to know if kris was coming or not :D
My friend Matt called me he asked if he could come over and hang with us before the private lesson and we agreed ... we hung out in front of my house, Me and Matt were talking together and Allison and Mark were talking but away from us alittle bit and that's when Mr.Karl AND KRIS :D came... we all stopped talking and then Mr.Karl asked if we were ready to take the lesson :D and we laughed and me and allison Got in my house preparing the table and stuff and then Matt left (he was a year older than us) and it was just Me allison mark and Kris, after the lesson Mr,karl (he was 28 years old so we talk to him like a friend not a teacher :D ) asked if me and allison were dating matt and mark but we laughed and said ofcourse not.
That Day We All Became Friends With Kris :D We talked And Chatted The whole time...
(Before Final Exams)
(New Year Eve)
Mark didn't like Kris bec, he thought kris liked me (more than a friend) and i noticed that too but i just ignored it...
Mark couldn't come to the private lessons so it only me and allison and kris with other boys (kris's friends) , that's when kris took the chance and started talking to me alot... after the private lesson was over allison left and Kris asked if he could walk me home and said that he was meeting his friend near a place near my house so i said sure why not :D
we talked all the way home and we knew more about each other and when we arrived to my house he asked if there was any other way to talk to each other again Since it was the last private lesson before the exams and then summer vacation so we wouldn't see each other again, i said that i would add him on facebook and he agreed and we said goodbyes and left... that night he texted me on facebook and i replied...we started talking and knowing more about each other and then he kinda left in the middle of the conversation but the other day he apologized bec, he was at a party and his phone died... so i accepted his apology and we started talking everyday and he texted me one night asking if i could wake him up tomorrow for the exam bec, he was staying home alone and his parents are away (our exams are at the same time) so i said sure but how can i wake you up and he said "i got your number" i asked "How? :D" he said "It was written on facebook " i said oh right i forgot :D and then he gave me his number and i called him the other day waking him up and by the way he has a really cute morning voice haha ... he texted me before school "Thank you for waking me up ;) although my friend waked me up before you but it was better coming from you <3" and this text just made my day haha
we talked everyday and studied together and he would be jealous if Mark was over :D it was cute...
by the last day of our exams... Kriss texted me telling me that he liked me... i didn't what to say i mean i was really happy but i just couldn't date him.. i hated "dating boy" bec, i was afraid i would end up broken hearted..again... so i told him that he is really special to make but we can't date but he said ok we're not going to date but i just wanted to tell you that i like you and i want you to be mine...one day...and we ended the conversation...a few days later kris called and asked me if me and my mother and sister would like to go out with him and his mum and sister :D so i asked my mum and she agreed and we all met that day and his mother and my mother became friends but that day... his mother told my mum "My son like your daughter bec, he never introduced me to a girl before and i'm sure she means alot to him but i can't let him date Sarah bec, i know my son he like girls all the time but if he liked one now the other day he likes another and i don't want to lose you or your daughter so if they dated please don't get mad if they broke up and i hope we stay friends" ....when my mum told me this that night i was so sad but at the same time i thought maybe we would stay together and i didn't believe that he was a player or that he would leave me ... i liked him too but back then i was too afraid to show it bec, i knew my mum wouldn't approve about me dating Kris.
days passed me and kris and dana (my sister) would hang out every once in a while and i would like kris more and more but again i didn't want to admit it.
My mum named Sandra, she is more like a friend than a mother :D so she and kris chatted a lot on facebook and he would tell her how much he like me but she always tell him you could stay friends with Sarah and who knows maybe one day you could end up together.
My feelings for kris grew more and more and i started getting nervous and afraid bec, again i didn't want to have my heart being broken again.
so i never told Kris how i felt... but i think he knew anyway bec, we were acting like we're dating but we weren't :D but after a few months.. i started suffering really bad... let me tell you what i knew about kris after we became close friends...
Kris liked drifting and car racing and these stuff and he was really into it... he would go race with his car and some of his friends ended up dieing because, of these races... but he never gave up... everytime he tells me he is going to stop racing he would just get back to the drifting and races again...
Kris is a Smoker... he used to smoke weeds and drink but he quit... but he still smoke cigarettes, he started smoking when his mum and dad got divorced...
And my mum knew everything... and she didn't like that... and that's why i suffered really bad in this "friendship".... it pained me so bad knowing that i fell for kris but i can't stay with him bec, i know my mother would get mad and will never approve about our relationship.
so i started letting go... he would text me a lot but i would just talk a little and make an excuse and stop talking to him... and that when we started fighting a lot... until one day he just stopped talking to me... but the day he decided to let go is the day i decided to show him who i really am and tell him how i feel.... bec, i never really showed him who i am bec, i didn't want him to fall in love with me bec, i knew that he like me already but i didn't want to hurt him... but i was stupid and i hurt us both.... i tried getting back to him but i couldn't... we're still friend on facebook and i still have his number but i don't have the guts to call or text him...
and now i think Kris is dating a girl named Paige... i don't know her but on facebook his profile picture is him and another girl who i figured name paige and two years older than him but i see their "love posts" and stuff, so yeah i think they're dating.... but now i'm really mad because, i see the way he talk to her.. he talk to her the same why he used to talk to me... he would write posts on his wall for her and.. the same posts he used to post on my wall....
after leaving kris the first time i was really hurt but then i forgot about him but this month when i saw his picture with the other girl i just... realized that ...i really loved him...i fell for him but i was too blind to see it... i was too afraid to admit it... and now i know how it feels losing someone that you cared about... i think it's true... you never know what you have until you lose it... and i lost kris... the first guy that i really fell in love with....
my mum and sister knew that me and kris don't talk anymore and what really mad me think about kris again after moving on is that my sister is dating a guy named kris too :D so it just makes me think about kris everyday...
Dana hopes me and kris get back together....even my mother said that she would approve if kris changed from being this bad boy type but i think it's too late now.... he let go.... and moved on i guess...
i really wanted him to know how i felt... i even thought of sending him a letter on the new year eve telling him about everything... the reason why i left... the reason why i couldn't date him... why i stopped talking to him.. and tell him how i felt but that was before knowing that he's dating paige... after knowing that he already moved on... i don't think he would care anymore... so... i'm not going to tell him anything... but i hope he remember me on the new year eve Bec, i KNOW that i will remember him every new year eve....
it was our first day talking to each other... it's like our little relationship anniversary ....
And that's it.... my bad luck with love....
when i met kris i thought that we would be friends but if he liked me i wouldn't like him back bec, that's what i used to do.... be friends with boys who liked me but i would just reject them
....my stupid game...flirt a little and be friends even if i know they liked me..and let them love me but reject them at the end...but i guess it didn't work with kris....
i lost in my own game...
but i guess that taught me something...
1-never trust a bad boy.
2-never fall in love again.
i just can't love anyone again... i don't want to end up hurting someone or hurting myself...
That was it
My love life...tough huh? :).....
i would like to thank Kris for the these few months...he mad me happy and even if it ended up us leaving eachother...but i'm thankful for our past friendship or relationship,,whatever you call it... and thank you for this little experience ...
it was a hard mistake but i learned from it... i know i said that this taught me not to fall in love again but i know i will fall again... but lets hope i fall for the right guy next time :D....
Writing this helped me a lot... so thank you for reading :)
I would like to say "THE END" But i know this is just "THE BEGINNING"