The Bittersweet of Meeting You

Meeting him...

Usually, we have that ideal person we dream of meeting. This person we imagined and created in our mind is almost perfect with all the qualities we handpicked as our prince charming or the knight in shining armor. We are aware that this person don't exist and if he does, it will be one in a billion because it is almost impossible for a person to possess each and every qualities you put on that ideal man. But with the movies and fairytales we watched, we keep on hoping that someday in the most unexpected situation and day, that man you imagined will show up in front of you. And, you will look at him from a distant while he walks towards you. You could see from his blurry image that becomes clearer and clearer as he gets closer to you... you could see, his smile so clear and bright. The time stops, silence surrounded you and the only sound you can hear is your heart thumping heavily. You can hardly breathe.

The song of my Heart

The first time I met you with your glasses,
Suddenly caught my eyes out of those faces;
I thought it's just my eyes that you got,
But now I'm certain that it's really my heart.
--
I never intend to reach this far,
Falling for you at a price of par;
Unconsciously impressing me a lot,
With your eyes, words and acts.
--
When you're being mean everytime,
I always hate you but with a smile;
Because I know deep inside you're not;
Your sarcasm seems so sweet that I got.
--
I won't forget our time in the bus,
When it felt it's just two of us;
I remember when we sing together,
That time, I wish it would be forever!
--
I might have misinterpreted your kindness;
I always ask myself with that but can't really say;
With just few days and moments with you,
I wonder how is it possible also?
--
I know it is wrong and definitely not right;
In the first place I know you're out of my sight;
You have her and also love her so dearly;
So I can't have you and must keep my feelings secretly."
#czary072312

The willful heart

Finally, he is not just an imagination anymore. He is there smiling, looking and standing in front of you. He is real. Damn real. You can't believe it but at the same time your heart makes you smile like you have never did before. That feeling you cannot explain and don't bother to explain because you're too happy to be distracted by any other thoughts but him. Everything around you seems so beautiful. Butterflies on your stomach, clear sky, beautiful flowers, children laughing and him... just him is already enough to make your perfect day. But suddenly, it all changed. He already has someone else...

Hopelessly

Here I am again, listening love songs,
Reminiscing our moments that I so long;
I felt hurt for I might not see you anymore;
But I still hope that maybe... just maybe... only God knows!
--
I can't help myself thinking about you;
I miss you this much and I'll always do;
For I am here alone, and you are there,
Where I know, you live happily with her.
--
I never intend to go in-between,
I just can't help my emotion that bleeds;
I want to tell you how I feel like "hey";
But just so afraid of what you would say.
--
I'm certain that it's impossible for you to like me too;
But I wonder, do I still have to tell you the truth?
I think I know the answer to my question,
Absolutely NO for it needs to be kept with me alone.
--
These lines I am writing is so out of the blue;
I never plan to write, I just felt like doing it so;
And confess my silliness to this paper and pen;
So no one would know and laugh with my foolishness.
--
I miss you, that's all why I am writing right now;
But don't worry, well I know you actually won't,
'Cause I still believe that time can heal this;
Soon, you will be out of my mind atleast.
--
Because I can't be sure that in the future,
When we might bump on each other, I'm not sure,
Of my feelings towards you had faded, when before,
I've finally found you, I hope that time you would find me too.
#czary080812

Stubbornly beating for nothing

There you are, caught in a situation you can't get out. You've known that reality but your heart stubbornly not recognizing it. You know that the man you thought was born for you has someone else. The man you see as someone so special looks at you as ordinary as JUST friend. You know exactly what to do but you can't just do it. In fact, it feels impossible to do it. You already like him that much and there is no undo to it. At the same time, you know what will happen if you keep on letting your heart lead you... You know you will be hurt very painfully...

Too good to be TRUE

I like you as much as I know you...
--
I never had a chance to know you more,
But I know enough for me to like you this much.
--
I know how modest you are greeting people;
I know you, wearing specs while loving photography;
I know how you respect other people around you;
I know you, loving your family so much.
--
I can feel when things reaches the limit of your patience;
I can sense whenever you want to comfort someone;
I can feel if you don't want the topic whenever you change it;
I can sense whenever you want to disagree and politely addressing it.
--
The times you called and texted me asking and teasing about my meal,
I know you want to know if I'm okay;
The way you put your jacket between my knees and your chair,
I know you care if I will be hurt;
The way you look at me unnoticeably, 
I know you wonder if I've moved on.
--
For me you are a fairy that is passing by in my life;
A fairy who let me get out of my comfort zone;
A fairy who let me be myself and live freely;
A fairy who made me smile and feel comfortable.
--
I don't think I should want for more;
That is why I'm ending it now even it never had started;
I'm happy that I have known you,
But I am more happy that I am your FRIEND.
--
I'm not saying I know you much;
I'm just saying I know you enough;
I have LIKED you as much as I KNOW you;
But at the end, no matter how hard I try...
--
I could NEVER see ME and YOU.
#czary110113

That painful TRUTH you longed

It's painful. You are hurting like it was never before. And then, a sudden news reached you that the someone he has is no longer with him. This gives you crazy thoughts of 'what ifs'. You can't help but think of all the possibilities, your chances, and your happily ever after. But, you know that there are always two possibilities and things might end up on the other possibility that could hurt you more. You need to take the risk to answer the troubling what-ifs in your head. You have thought about it again and again. Back and forth, you don't know what to do. You want to face it but so afraid to deal with it. Finally, after long thinking, you have decided. You took all the courage you could have, took off that protective mask and bravely ask him...

Letting him go

Here comes the rain, digging my emotions out again,
With the wind that makes me feel more the pain;
How sad it is to hear every drop of the rain?
--
I was speechless as the wind;
And my heart cried like the rain;
Deep deep down inside... how sad am I?
--
That dark night, my heart was burning;
Burnt by the truth I am so longing;
It is not him to be blamed, it has always be me.
--
I am letting go. Yes, I finally am!
I got the courage to slip out my arm;
Not from his hand, but from the grip of my own hand.
--
I got to hold him, but he never held back;
I know that from the start, but I'm just so dumb;
And I am finally letting him go now...
--
But how can I ever let go?
When I never had him even once;
I should say, I am letting not him but myself go...
#czary100614

Him without you tomorrow

You will never forget that moment when you finally heard that truth from himself that you've always known. It's impossible to forget that burning feeling you had in your chest as your tears flow unstoppable. As you try your very best to move on and not hurt yourself much further, a thought struck you... Are you ready? After all those things you imagined about a man you have not met before, the life you've always wanted with that imagined man and your happily ever after. You thought he, who you met unexpectedly with all those qualities of a man you imagined, will be the one who could make your imagination a reality. Knowing the answer of those what-ifs after you took all those courage, gives you a clear view of him in the future without you. That hurts you, but mostly, that scares you...

That painful SOMEDAY

I thought two years was already enough;
Enough for me to move on and be okay;
But it's now five years and it's you I still think about;
Indeed, I was wrong again and my heart lied.
--
You never failed to make my heart flutter;
You always know what to say and make things better;
After years, I thought I'm certain that nothing's left;
But now my heart flutters even faster and I'm scared.
--
I'm scared for I know someday you'll be out of my sight;
I'm certain that someday, I really need to distant from you;
Someday, I should not even look at you and smile;
Someday, I can't even talk and ask how are you.
--
I know that someday will come;
Even how much I miss and long for you,
I know that someday will come;
When I can no longer talk to you.
--
But even I know it will come for sure;
I haven't prepared myself;
I was so drowned with this little happiness I have;
I must wake up and face the reality.
--
I never thought that thinking about someday,
Can frighten me this much;
I'm not ready and I think I will never be,
For that SOMEDAY that will come for sure.
#czary112616

Stronger

You've fell in love. You felt happiness. You smile and laugh. You've been hurt and cried. You pulled yourself together to get up. You tried to move on as much as you can. Now, you will never be that same person again. You've been broken and now you will stand stronger for you felt those feelings of love, happiness, pain, bitterness, and have endured all of them. That experience might have scarred you, but it helps you grow... it helps you to be a stronger you.#czary