It was all so sudden sudden
I wasnt afraid nor uneasy.
It was all nostalgic
From going inside the entrance
Where I was alone walking that time
From the offices
Where I was going back and forth with a small paper on my hand.
The pharmacy where I remember lining up to buy my own medicine at 14 years old
Small talk outside the emergency room with the parents and patients
I Remember those looks on their faces when I told them I'm doing it alone
As I was near approaching the emergency room
I walked passed the chairs where I used to sit and wait for my turn.
The familliar smell of medicine and cleaning detergents
And as I finally arrived to the busy doors of the emergency room
I brace myself for some unwanted emotions that I suppressed when I was 14
And its still there.
Memories that keep rushing in
the first time I almost fainted because of the medicine
the first time I saw someone cried so much for her mother to live
the first time I saw someone dying
the first time I cried in front of a nurse because I can't handle it anymore.
Looking back it was too much for a 14 years old to experience it all alone but hey look at me now.
The night I went back was not scary at all its a reminder to me that I am strong and I can handle every struggles. Yes it might not be a good experience but that molded me to be me.
2/4/20