The world with all its people is largely ruled by the outspeakers. The loud ones. The ones who have strong voices, and views. The ones who can charm their way into the hearts by battling the eyelids or who have honey dripping whenever they open their mouths.
What about the others? They are the nobodys struggling through life. Always been pressured to measure up to the other kind. Their life is a life long battle of trying to be enough. Well, I fought this battle for a long time, but realisation came soon enough.
I'm scared of crowds, I hate parties and I can never be the first to say a hi.
You need to understand it's not something I fake
I don't need you to tell me I'm wrong in that because it hurts when you claim to care and still take offence in my non participation in your outing spree. I don't want to mingle.
I hate situations where I have to meet up with stranger so if I ask you to stay, please do.
Maybe speaking for you is as easy as breathing but for me it's a battle between my heart and mind and each and every nerve in my body.
I know you can dance without a care, but I freeze so please don't make a show of me by dragging me to the dance floor.
You have different standards of fun than me, but have I ever forced you to sit in a corner of a library and read a book where every word is oxygen you need to inhale?
Or have I forced you to sit completely alone under the sky and contemplate meaningless things?
This is my fun and your standard seems crap to me.
So the next time I don't jump in joy when you're planning a party, respect me enough to not mock me in my face.
This isn't my weakness. So why is it looked to be one? I am quiet. But I can also be crazy and loud. I always return a friendly smile but I have a sheltered innocence that most can see. I am a good target for people who try to find power through intimidation. I am not sure if that is because of the smile or the quiet disposition. But those power-plays that people attempt to ignite always backfire. I don't want to draw attention to myself but I will stand up to verbally destroy someone who belittles me.
You're a friend and maybe you have tons of them but I literally fought a war within to come and say a hello to you. Respect that hello.