The Whole of my Love

A very long time ago,  I found myself as a very foolish girl who is deeply lovestruck and inlove with you.

When you came into my life..

I never thought that reality has its own slowmotions and an automatic backround music.

I never thought that vast colors and flowers can just explode and bloom inside my lungs making me suffocate,  no more.

I never thought that a void of darkness can be replaced by a single light that can guide my world to revolve.

I never thought that you're the one that's going to give the butterflies' wings so it could fly all around my stomach. 

I never thought that you're the one that's going to occupy the spaces of my big, wide, beating heart.

I never thought that you're the one that
I'll love most.

You made changes in me and in my life.

But hey there's more.

Do you still remember when you rush out of the door and slamming it in front of my face? 
I was so wrecked that time because that's the point that my heart and mind cooperated and screamed in chorus,  singing; I already lost you.

And so I cried and cried and cried though you're not worthy of all my tears.

I  hoped that this seas of tears will run out and my lost ship of emotions would just stop sailing even though there's no wind to make it move.

I hoped but still it's not enough. 

Those slowmotions became flashbacks and rewinds that my shattered heart will never forget.

Those backround music became out of tuned until all I could hear was the sob of my weeping heart.

Those vast colors suddenly became a smoke coming from the past that I once cherished but now suffering from it.

Those flowers you planted in my lungs are still growing but they are no longer fresh but rotten.  Some just died and it can no longer give me enough oxygen to breath properly without sobs everyday.

These single light in my mind just exploded a few minutes ago and turned into a black hole; sucking everything that's inside my mind but keep on spitting out those painful memories that made my world erupt.

The day I lost you, these butterflies in my stomach,  they all died in just a single second and was replaced by numbness till now. And my heart... 

This heart of mine became frightened, still trembling in fear.. 'Cause once again, it's nothing but an empty space. And I think it can no longer love.

I think I can no longer love again.

You drained all the beauty,  harmony,  melody,  beating,  movements,  colors,  wonders, joyful emotions,  and love out of me.

You took them all and thrown it away like it was some kind of trash.  But little do you know it's more precious than those in dangered gems because nothing and no one can replace it for it's only one.

And it's worth regreting for I gave it to the wrong person; and it's you.

It's no use giving it back..

But you know what?

Remember those things that you drained and took out of me?

I want you to keep it.

After all I'm still the foolish girl who is deeply lovestruck and in love with you and I can't seem to move on.