There is much which is invisible to the naked eye. Some of it we can’t see because we’d never been looking, and some of it is out of sight because it has been wrapped and tucked away neatly, hidden from the rest of the world.
With everyone fighting their own battles, it becomes difficult sometimes to register that which was or is evident. Sometimes we do not like what we see, reality being so gruesome and harsh that we’d rather shut our eyes and pretend we are blind than face it. And sometimes, what we see is so appalling and mind-boggling that it gets tough to take our eyes off it.
Either way, there’s never just one person who’s to blame or be held accountable for all that we miss to notice around us. Each of us is working towards building better versions of ourselves, a process which is both time consuming and exhausting. But until we’re all on the same page about the more important things in and of life, we will keep missing out on signs and giveaways and hints about the suffering of those who we share our lives with.
It is on each one of us to do a better job at being there for each other, and for ourselves, so that we can together build a more accepting and fair world to inhabit.
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Mental health illness is a serious and sensitive cause of concern. It is often misunderstood and misconstrued by experts and layman alike. There are very few out there who care to go the extra mile to understand and learn for themselves what the problem is, why it is, and how it should and can be dealt with. Empathy is a vulnerable emotion, but one which we all need to adopt in our lives.
Often, people struggling with mental ill-health find it impossible to reach out to a family member or friend for help. They do not fully understand what’s going on with them, and with the stigma attached to the issue, they are only left more scared and rattled. There are some who do try to figure out what it is that is wrong, what isn’t working well for them, but that’s usually a difficult and emotionally taxing task to undertake, for anybody.
Today, various sources and platforms talk about self-love and self-care. They ask you to focus on yourself, your well-being and your peace of mind first. It is important that we be healthy and capable of looking out for ourselves before we can make ourselves available to others, but it is also important to remember to be kind, patient and accommodating in the process.
Sometimes, being aware of another person’s gloom and pain makes us not want to step out of the barriers our head and heart have created for ourselves. We either feel that our darkness is less suffocating than another’s or that we don’t deserve to seek the kind of attention and help we need because someone else has it worse than us. Unfortunately, not only is it unfair for anyone to have to feel that their ache measures less than another’s on some imaginary scale but also heart-wrenching.
If we are willing to accept that we are all living life the best way we can, given our circumstances and history, then why is it unfathomable for us to accept that conquering personal battles leaves distinct, personalized scars on each one’s soul?
If there is anything from broken dreams to broken family that is keeping someone from functioning at full capacity, it is completely okay for them to want to take a break, press the pause button and sit down to catch a breath.
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Amidst the struggle involved in deciphering for oneself what their ailment is and in coming to terms with the existence of a recognizable problem, people sometimes feel that they’ve reached the point of no recovery, of no return. The future seems bleak and no cloud with a silver lining is in sight. Despair and despondency hang low and heavy, asphyxiating their soul. Help offered doesn’t always feel like it’d be enough to pull them out of their melancholic state, and people therefore shut themselves in, building high walls and impenetrable boundaries around themselves.
In times like this, when nothing is going right and everything looks like it’s crumbling to dust, some people turn to seek solace in death. They believe that the end of their existence would also bring an end to their problems and shortcomings, thereby looking at suicide as a viable option.
At this point I believe it is my responsibility to clarify that neither do I speak on behalf of those who are coping with any form of mental illness, nor am I claiming that I completely identify with their situation or decision. I work on being an empathetic human being each day, but that does not give me the power or the authority to assume for anybody else their emotions, their predicament or their choice. Suicide is an act to which the world loses hundreds of people each day. It is a matter of grave concern, one which needs our immediate attention. There’s a dire need for safe and accessible spaces to be constructed where people can exist without fear of judgement and ridicule, and where appropriate assistance and guidance can be offered to let people know that another option exists, steering them away from a sunless end.
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Misery, misadventure and misgivings never discriminate. Nobody is immune to them, and they certainly don’t spare anybody basis the way they look, what they eat, who they love or who they pray to. Man or woman, young or old, rich or poor, the famous or the infamous- anybody could be engulfed in their flames, having their worlds turned upside down in a split second.
There is talk, continually, of what we can do to identify those around us in agony, who need more than the usual, routine support we all offer each other on a regular basis to get by in life. Each time a suicide case is reported, there’s always talk of what could have been done to avoid it, and the reason(s) behind the suicide is(are) written off as losses that could have been turned into wins only if the person had tried a little harder, for a little while longer. But we all know it’s a dark and lonely place to be in, and that nobody would ever choose that kind of torture for themselves. We as a society fail each time a life considers the ultimate end over a possible new beginning.
So, when it comes to suicide, how do we define success and failure? When we lose a life to the act, do we say that the suicide was successful because it yielded death for the person involved, or do we say that the suicide was a failure, of our systems, our people and of our beliefs?
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Before a goal set is achieved, there are several rounds of practice, endurance and preparation that go into it. There’s no such thing as overnight success, we’ve all heard that before.
Sadly, and similarly, nobody’s disdain for themselves and the world transforming into a raging bull occurs overnight; a bull that is determined to take down whoever is in its line of sight. Just how self-preservation is a process, so is self-sabotage.
Sometimes, it’s discovered that the individual had survived a certain number of suicide attempts before having managed to take his/her life.
Wouldn’t it be better if we could find out sooner rather than later that someone who we loved and cared for was in trouble, and needed for us to reach out to them, to stand by them in times of adversity and remind them why suicide isn’t the answer?
What if we were alerted and made aware of a relative or a friend or an acquaintance or a classmate’s distress when we still had the time to do something about it?
Would we be able to save all those lives then?
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Not every suicide attempt unwraps death for its doer. Not every failed attempt, or one survived, ends in a hospital with doctors sewing up an inexperienced cut or pumping pills out of the stomach following an overdose.
Every suicide leaves behind a deafening silence. But what we still fail to notice/observe/realize is that often, the loudest screams come from the quietest places. That is why each story of suicide is harrowing in its own way.
You say you didn't see it coming. But had you been looking?
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Each time someone looks up 101 ways to kill themselves on the internet, but holds back and does not act on any of them yet another night, they survive a suicide attempt.
Each time someone pushes themselves to get out of the house for an errand, after a week of having been pinned to the floor, an unknown weight continuing to sink their boat, they survive a suicide attempt.
Each time someone walks out of the bathroom, looking all neat and tidy but feeling as if their soul is still rotting in the deepest, darkest corners of their being, choosing yet again to drown only their eyes in sorrow, not themselves, they survive a suicide attempt.
Each time someone stares at themselves in the mirror, and look for a second longer than usual, without despising themselves for breathing and being alive, they survive a suicide attempt.
Each time someone excuses themselves at a party to get away from people because they feel fragile and weak, as if they were a bomb waiting to explode, they survive a suicide attempt, because though they let life overwhelm them for a second, they chose to give it another shot and walk back into that party.
Each time someone dares to dream, dares to want a better life for themselves, and is willing to look past their fears and insecurities, they survive a suicide attempt, because they chose to not jump the gun yet again and live each day as it comes.
For someone who is entangled in their own personal hell, everyday activities can seem like heavy boulders immensely difficult to lift.
Maybe that is why we aren’t able to catch the signs, or read them well.
Maybe what we need to do is to look beyond ourselves once in a while and aim to notice the tiny, subtle changes in the behavior and attitude of those around us.
Words, actions and even inactivity to a certain extent can be reflective of a person’s true state of mind, and if we all equip ourselves better to be more aware and receptive of our surroundings, maybe we’d be able to understand each other better and march harmoniously towards a brighter future.
I am certain that we can do more than just pray, wish and hope.
Remember, it all begins with either asking for help, or offering some.