No, I'm not angry. I'm a little bit upset but I'm not angry. No matter what I know and will know about you I will not be angry at you and the decisions that I made while I'm with you.
But I'm enlightened. My eyes are finally open and my heart is finally starting to heal.
It's been a year but whenever my friends would ask me if I've moved on I'd answer halfheartedly that I have. But this time, I'll finally answer them. No, I've not yet moved on. Yes, I still miss him but No, I don't want to be in that relationship ever again.
This time, I'll be able to say that after a year my heart is finally starting to heal. I will no longer feel guilty about entertaining other men, I will no longer hope and wish to be with him.
I took me all this time to realized that he didn't loved me. He doesn't know how to love. He puts himself in a higher hierarchy of cheaters saying that he's different that he's just lonely, he needs to find love, he's neglected but all cheaters are the same.
I am not angry because of his deception but I am ashamed because I have let him deceived me. I have disappointed many people by being with him and as much as I don't want to admit but I have disappointed myself.
I was drowned by my feelings, I was enchanted by him. Sure, he was all that I dreamed of but he was not what I needed. I prayed to God everyday to give him to me, I prayed for our love to flourished.
But God knows that he was not the right one for me, and no matter how hard I prayed I know that my prayers won't be answered. This time, I will not pray for someone that I want. I will pray for someone that I need. I will pray for a love so strong that I'll be able to forget the pain of loving someone like him.
This time, I will stop thinking about him and unconsciously defend him and his current actions. This time, I will no longer hope for him, I will no longer dream of him, I will no longer want to want him.
This time, I will be different. This time, I will love without guilt, I will love without doubt if he really loves me. This time, I will love.