Thoughts

I'm lost. Everything around seems strange to me. I feel like I've never been here. In this place. Isn't it weird? To feel that you're strange in a place you've been in for more than 17 years? To feel that you're strange between people you've been with for more than 17 years?

You pause everything around you. Oh My God! Who are these people?! Where am I? What am I doing? WHO AM I? You feel like you know nothing. Like you are nothing! You feel like you've never lived.

You don't know what do you love? What do you hate? Who are your friends? Who are your enemies? You feel confused, shocked and LOST!

Then you become in love with being alone. You hate being with people, hate talking to them, hate being in crowds. You just want to be alone.

Then you take a moment and think "When did all this happen? What the hell is going on around me?!" 

Then you feel afraid, afraid of everything. Afraid of being wrong. Afraid of loving the wrong people. Afraid of even hating the wrong people. Afraid of hurting those who love you. Afraid of losing those you love. Afraid of the future!

But then, after all this confusion, all these wars in your mind, you show up to this world, wear a smile on your face and live your day normally like nothing happened. But inside you, there's still a war . A big war. Between who you want to be and who you actually are. Between what you say and what you actually wanted to say.

When will all this silliness end? When will I know who exactly I am? When will I have goals and make my dreams come true? 

Well, I think I'm still in the stage of discovering myself. And I hope that one day I will be free, happy and for sure "Not" Lost.