To all the boys out there looking for love. To the boys who are looking to fill the void inside themselves. To the boys who are still carrying pieces of their broken heart. To the boys who have dared to love. To the boys who dared to carry all that unrequited love. To the boys who are looking forward to getting laid.
I am sorry that the universe has been cruel to you. It has been cruel to me too, you know? Because, you see, the problem hasn’t been in how much you loved. The problem is never with your love. I am sorry that your love left you like that and I am sorry that all that love was once so real. But I am also sorry that I cannot fill that void for you. I am happy to give you the intimate touch of my skin that will quench your libidinal thirst. But I am sorry there is nothing I can do to help you. Because, you see, I am also getting tired. I am tired of seeking love for myself from you, who gave it all for a toss for someone who didn’t stay. I am sorry that I am expecting you to hold me like you love me because I know that you don’t. I am sorry that the touch you crave is different from the touch that I crave and I think this is where the universe has become the cruelest. I long to make sure that you don’t leave my room with an unsettling feeling and to make sure that you text me like you still value me but you see, the story is too short to last beyond this night or to last beyond this room even. I am sorry that I went with your flow of lust and forgot I was looking for something else. I know it has been hard for you to let go of someone you have once loved so dearly but you see, I haven’t been that girl yet. I haven’t been loved that way ever which is why I look for all of it in the way you kiss me or the way you rub my back. I keep looking for it in your fingertips but looks like it is buried too deep. I think maybe I can fill that hollowness inside you but it is too deep for me to fill all of it. I still pride over crossing some boundaries I am so sorry I can’t give you what you want. While I understand your desperation, please forgive me for my desperation too. Forgive me when I ask you how you are when you are at work or I call you in the middle of something. Forgive me when I drunk-text you once in a while to tell you how I honestly feel. I am trying too hard but I have I felt too much in too less time. And I do not know what to do with all these thoughts and emotions. I hope that before you forgive me for my desperation, I forgive myself first.
Love,
A