I've been listening to your playlist all week, trying to read between the lines, between every song, asking myself what else do you want from me? Why are you even doing this knowing that I will see them, hear each song and remember everything?
It's already a year since that thing happened. It happened too fast. One moment I was lying next to you, listening to your breathing and trying to stop myself from looking at your direction. But your hand reached mine and from that moment on I knew I won't let go... but you did. It was a shame that I knew it will happen from the very beginning. After all, you already gave your heart to a very lucky woman years ago. And yet you chose to hold my hand that night, to taste my lips and gave me a three-fold utopian dream.
It was perfect - two lips whispering sweet nothings to each other, dancing on the silence of that chilly night. I can remember it clearly, been replaying that scene a thousand time in my head. I wonder if you remember it the same way I do - every detail carefully embossed on my chaotic mind.
And the dream did not end that night, because after a few weeks we had the greatest escape of our life. Being able to be alone with you, that place became our safe haven. Those four walls of my hotel room became witness of our short story - we blossomed and ended there, on my bed. And I'm sure I left my heart on that place.
It took me a year to finally tell myself that I should be moving on, to finally end the DABDA stages, to finally set myself free from thinking of you. But each time I feel myself wandering away, you know what to do to make me come back. You know exactly what to say to keep my feet on the same ground I've been on a year ago. You know how to get me falling back again, and again, and again.
And it's a very tiring process, believe me. I don't even know what you want from me. You were the one who told me we can't do this anymore remember? Then why? Why do you keep me from moving on from you? Why do you even have to confuse me with these songs? And why do I even care?
I'll be leaving soon, and when I leave I have to bring my heart with me. So please let me be. Let me put the little pieces together that has been scattered to many places since last year. Let me forget you. Let me forget the idea of us. Let me forget of that dream. Let me forget of the pain, and the happiness I felt with you. Let me forget of the secret smiles we shared on lunch and meetings, of the songs we exchanged on IMs, of the hopeful stares we gave to each other on hallways. Let me forget that I once made myself the girl I loathed for years. Let me... help me forget.