With the slow dancing of leaves, rushing flow of fountain, and the music drowning my ears, I write again to you for the innumerable time. As I sit here in a public place which my favorite songs turned into a private one, I think of how cruel this afternoon can be. I think of how unfair this life can be. I think of... you. Funny as it sounds, I had a meetup just after work. You see, we got along in chat and he told me he really wanted to see me in person. He's got brains so why not? We agreed to meet in the most cliche place ever, the mall. I was never excited but I admit, I was looking forward for it to happen. And of course, it did. We said our first Hi's infront of each other and gave our sweet smiles. We walked down alleys and passed by shops as he started to talk about himself.
'Okay. Let's see how this one goes.' I whispered to my head.
As minutes ticked so hard in my full-of-himself ears, you slowly emerged out of nowhere. Not literally, but yes, like how it always has been, figuratively. You showed up and you took over my mind the whole time we were together.
As I waited for him at the table while he ordered food , I suddenly realized how different it was that time from the moment I saw you standing patiently, expecting for my arrival. My eyes brought me back to the time when I was so nervous like I ate something bad and about to go to the toilet at the first split second you smiled the most melting one I have ever seen in my whole life. I clearly remembered how stoked and happy I was to be with you after months of looking at you from afar. It was a dream come true! I bet you didn't see how I giggled like a child who received a toy she's been wanting for. I was overjoyed. But today, I didn't feel a thing except disgust. A little for me, and a lot for this stranger.
Ironic and fuckingly stupid, he told me he badly wanted to meet me and how come he only talked about himself? He was a conceited and disrespectful jerk! He never asked me anything except for what I wanted to eat! I wanted to yell at him that I didn't come here to just fill my unhungry belly. I was so bored listening to all of his bullshit stories about his MMK life and was hoping a bit he would ask something about me. It didn't happen!
So for an hour or two, I rested my chin on my left palm and stare at the window while he ranted about all of his sad adventures. I would have been glad to hear it all if he wasn't that stuck-up. I responded half heartedly to him as a sign of respect which he never gave to me.
So why did I wrote this to you and why am I telling you this exasperating afternoon of mine? Big sigh. To make this long story short, I missed you.... and no one can give me the high the way you did. This stranger just threw a big rock at my head, laughing at me for trying to forget you. He slapped me with the truth that you are still the one I'm looking for everywhere and in everyone.
I am still self-assured that someone will come to replace your throne. I hope it's very soon. I can't go on like this, you know. To be yours while you can't be mine.