I don't exactly know how to start this. Just like what happened to us, I don't really know how the heck did we start everything. When all I thought before was ending everything in my life, you came and be that one "beginning" I never thought I would ever have.
Even now, I could smile while looking back at the things, big or small, that caused us to start a new beginning in life. You, with your past that still haunts you. Me, with the haunted thoughts of the future. We are a complete opposite but we clicked. Together, we opened a new chapter in our old, crappy book. Yes, together.
Can you still remember all of it? I bet you can't. You always forget a lot of things about me, about us. I know it's like that all the time. So now I'm not hoping for you to remember all of it. However, every single detail of the things about us, especially about the things about you, have been attached to my mind since the very first day you laid your eyes on me.
I can remember the time when you first approcahed me, saying hello while showing me your smile. I can still remember how that smile made me feel like it is just for me, and I really think that's special and kinda beautiful. I can still remember the way you touch me while making me feel safe in your arms. I can still remember the things you used to say to make me feel better, to calm the storms in me, and to make me feel relaxed despite the raging waves inside me. I can still remember your warmth, that special kind of warmth that makes me feel comfortable, and loved.
I can still remember everything.
Even if you are already away from me.
I can even remember the pain you've caused me. Those times when I always ask myself why are you hurting me. The times when I feel like I am not good enough for you. Those painful times when all I could do is cry and wonder when will this pain end. The times when I would chase you and beg for you to stop leaving. And the times when I would question my worth. I can still remember the day we first met and the day you told me that it is a very big regret. I can remember the sufferings, the pain, the things that made me feel like I am nothing to you.
Do you rememver that?
I bet you don't, but I don't mind.
I don't mind anymore.
You were my one and only. You were the only man I welcomed in my life. But you left. You are the one that got away. You are the one that left me and never stayed.
How come I never saw that coming? How come I never thought you would hurt and leave me all alone? How come the thought that you would break my heart in a million pieces never occured to me? You might get surprised by this, but I think it is because I put all my love, trust, and faith for you that there's nothing left in me, but I never mind it. I never mind at all.
Because I thought you are worth it.
I thought you are worth loving for.
I thought you are meant for me.
Boy, I was so wrong.
You are not meant for me.
But you are meant to hurt me.
But it's okay. Really, it is okay.
After all those questions of Whys,
I finally understood the answers.
I am good enough for you, but you just failed to realize that because you are not good enough for me.
You are worth loving for. But based on the things that you did, the things that made me cry and suffer in pain, it just tells me that you are not worth fighting for at all.
You are not meant for me. Because if you are, hurting me would be the last thing on your mind. If you are indeed the man for me, you would never, ever think of leaving me.
I was wrong for thinking that you are the right one for me. You are right for thinking that it is wrong to stay with me. And that's okay.
That is life, right? We meet a lot of people and welcome them into our life, but we cannot guarantee that they will stay. In my case, I thought you will, but you never did.
You are like a passing stranger and I am like the road that you will never ever cross again. And that's okay. You are like my cup of tea, but you were not meant to be with me because you always loved a cup of coffee. And that's also okay.
It's okay. If not now, someday it will be.
If you are not mine to begin with, I don't mind letting go of you because I want to start again. I want to start again without you in my life. I want to start again and find someone that will stay, that will always choose to stay. I want to start again where all I could think are positive thoughts and all the things that are good. I want to start again with someone better in my life, and someone better who will make the best out of my life. And clearly, it's not you.
To the one that got away,
Thank you. Thank you for staying for awhile. Thank you for making me happy in just a short period of time. You may have hurt me and given me scars, but I know it will heal.
And someday, when I look at the scars you gave me, I will just smile and say, "Hey, I don't mind. It's a lesson. I'm glad I learned."
To the one that got away,
I will always remember you, not because you've given me pain, not because you've hurt me, but because you are a lesson. I will always remember you for being the greatest lesson I ever had in my life. You may not be the one that will forever stay, and you may just be the one that got away, but it is all thanks to you because right at this moment, I am the one who finally learned.
Thank you for teaching me the ups and downs of this life. Thank you for making me realize that I should never lose all the love, faith, and trust in myself. Thank you for making me realize that in order for me to be happy and whole again, I have to start the day by smiling and picking up the broken pieces of me. Thank you for making me realize that I can still be fixed.
And with that, I am ending this letter by saying:
You are just the one that got away,
but it's okay, because
now that you're out of my life,
now that the pain is not in sight,
I could finally wait for my man,
for my man that will forever stay.
Again, thank you.