THE UNFORTUNATE LOVE
“I really loved her, but she was not destined to be mine”.
It’s true, that making someone as your heart-throb is not at all in one’s hand, and that’s why it says-
“Couples are made in heaven, but celebrate on Earth”.
We always think that we are the one who can select our life partners, and nobody else can justify it much better than us. But sometimes one can be wrong in his/ her decision, entangled in some nostalgic thoughts and thrown into a state of disarray.
At that sort of time, it’s ‘LIFE’ that reveals your soul mate.
It started, down those days when the word ‘friend’ really meant a lot in life. School days are the best era to describe the relation of friendship that a boy or a girl might pass through.
Me and Sid were really good friends those days, rather one can say best friends. From movies to studies, wherever and whatever the matter may be, we were always together. We used to share each and every bit of secret of our life. Days were really good and were full of joy and happiness till we indulged ourselves in the rat race to get ahead. Board exam results came, and it was the time for higher studies. Both of us got chance in engineering, but our fate made us drift apart from each other. I shifted to Chennai to proceed with my engineering course and he was all there in Kolkata.
A regular basis of chatting in phone and texting messages were a part of our daily routine. But as time passed on, we got so busy with our studies that this regular basis of chatting got optional. But sometimes during the weekends, we just used to have a hi-hello conversation, that too in facebook. But when I used to come back there, after my semester exams we enjoyed a lot. We often used to go for outing in his bike that gave us immense excitement and a feeling of unbound happiness.
During our irrelevant talks and chit chat sometimes I used to ask him whether he had got a girlfriend or not, as if it’s quiet essential to have a girlfriend during college days; but his usual answer would be “NO”. Often I used to charge him that he was lying, but he always got over with this topic by giving me the assurance that I would be the first person to know if he ever had a girlfriend. Even I was very much sure about this fact.
It was mid of December, back after my 3rd semester exams. Just chilling out in cafe-coffee day and waiting for my friends. Three girls sitting right in front of me were having there good time too. I was busy texting messages, suddenly one of the three came, and started with a friendly conversation;
“Hi; how are you?”
It took me some seconds to recognise her as it passed one and a half years after I saw her, that too in some other uniform, I mean not in school uniform. To be frank enough, during my school days I was not at all comfortable to sit with girls or roam here and there. A normal friendly conversation was ok with me but with few of them whom I used to meet the one or the other day in tuition classes. But after coming to college this attitude of mine got drastically changed.
“I am fine; and how r u?” I replied, still struggling to recall her name. In the mean time her friends called her, and that triggered my mind, with rest of her details along with the name. She just made a gesture and asked them to wait for few minutes.
In the mean time my friends messaged me that they will be late for half an hour as they got stuck with some work. I was just done with it that they will be late, as I will get some time to chat with her.
“So how is everything going on Sia” I asked and tried to show myself confident enough, so that she doesn’t get a hint that I was struggling few seconds before to recall her name.
“Well and good; and what about you” she replied.
I just started giving a brief intro of my college life and after few conversations we found ourselves back in those schooldays, laughing and giggling at some incidents that we used to do during our class hours.
She took a pause for few seconds and came up with the question of the day;
“So do you have anyone special in your life; I mean any girlfriend???” she asked.
Instead of giving an answer, I came up with another question.
“What do you think?” I asked.
“You might have one, because you have changed a lot; the one whom I used to know one and a half years back was really a shy type of guy who hesitated even to sit with girls. But now......” she replied.
“I would like to take this ‘change’ in me as a compliment as you said but I don’t have any girlfriend” I replied.
“And what about you” I asked.
“Yes I do have, but I thought you know about it” she replied.
“But how would I know??” I asked.
Hearing this she came up with lots of hint and clues but I was totally unaware of the fact and my eagerness was on the verge to know the answer.
“Please get over with this suspense and give me the answer dear” I replied.
“It’s Sid” she replied.
“What; Are you kidding?? But why didn’t he tell this to me that he is in a relationship??” I replied.
“I don’t know but he doesn’t want to share this with any of his friends. Even I told him many times but he doesn’t listen to it” She replied.
“And you promise me that you are not going to tell this to him” she added.
I was really happy, that one of my childhood buddy was in a relationship but a feeling of distress prevailed in my mind as I was the one who believed him a lot but with time the bonding of friendship loosened up. And now I could make it that along with me, the people around have also changed.
It was late enough and her friends were also in a hurry to go. We just exchanged our numbers and also our facebook profile id’s to be in touch.
Sill I was trying to get over with it, about what she told. I just informed my friends that I am not in a mood to celebrate and went out from there.
The very next evening, my journey was scheduled for Chennai and Sid knew it. So he came to my house as usual. We just had a normal friendly talk. To clarify myself I stated:
“I know you got a girlfriend, but you are not saying it to me”.
And yet he was ready with the same answer that he used to give. But now I was cool with it because it completely depends on one’s own conscience and he might not be comfortable sharing his personal life with his friends.
A tight hug and a casual goodbye was all we did and he was on his way.
Reached Chennai. Days were going good, back to studies, hanging out with friends, movies, overall everything was set.
Months passed, in Chennai. One or the other day we (me and Sia) usually had a half an hour chat on facebook, just with some casual queries about her college, their relationship etc. Within this time we became quiet good friends and started sharing our problems too. And whatever the problem may be, we usually came up with some solutions.
Like every other relationship their love journey was too suffering with some hiccups, but everything was acceptable. As people say ‘Love is a blend of emotions’ and emotions come with happiness and sadness.
Sometimes she used to complain that Sid is now not as caring as he used to be; even he doesn’t love her anymore and I was the one who always tried to make her believe that it’s nothing like that and you are lucky to get a boyfriend like him. He just doesn’t know to express his feelings but if I am not wrong he loves you a lot.
I still remember, it was Saturday 11:40 pm late night. I was trying to catch up with my studies, when I got distracted as my mobile flashed with the name Sia. Quiet surprised, as it was the first time she was calling me, I received the call and replied “Hey; how are you??” but I didn’t have a reply and the call got disconnected. Within few seconds I got another call; “Hello” I replied.
“Hi, how are you” she asked. Her voice sounded quiet husky and the strait of her choking nose gave a clear indication that she was crying.
“Hey; what happened, is everything all right; why are you crying” I asked, with lots of queries in my mind.
Hearing this, she started sobbing loudly. I was really feeling bad for her and found myself helpless.
“Please stop crying dear. Please don’t cry; I don’t like anybody crying in front of me” I replied.
After a while she was stable enough to have a conversation.
“What happened; say it” I asked.
“We broke up” she replied.
“What?? But why?? What happened??” I added.
“For the last few days he ( Sid ) was neither receiving my call nor texting. So I was really worried about him. Today I went to his house and found him with another girl having good time with each other. And when I asked him about her presence (another girl), he spoke to me really rude and asked me to get the hell out of his life” she replied. I could feel that her breath was coming in gasps.
I was really shocked hearing all this as I was unfamiliar with this behaviour of Sid. I wish I could be with her, but it was not possible as I was still left with my last exam.
“Just be normal, don’t try to do anything harsh and that too for such an insensitive guy who doesn’t even care for you. And it’s too late. Forget everything and just make yourself comfortable. I will be coming there soon” I replied.
We just hung up with these words.
That night I couldn’t sleep well as every time I closed my eyes, her beautiful smiling face came in my mind. For me it was still hard to believe that it was Sid who did so!!
Reached Kolkata. That day evening I went to her house. From her welcome, I thought she adapted well with the situation but while getting through the words she broke into tears. Even I could feel the pain that was persisting in her heart for a long time. All that I wanted at that point of time was to get back her smiling face. I just hold her hands and asked to go out with me. She agreed. We just went to watch a movie in a nearby theatre and that day the choice was hers. We even had dinner in one of the restaurant of her choice. And there I just tried to make her realise that love is not to be blamed. It was just a wrong choice. Let’s give your life a new start. Just try to forget this era of your life like a nightmare. “Time heals everything dear”, I added.
Days passed and I became a regular visitor to her house. We started spending time together. Gorging on street foods became a part of our daily routine as she loved to get her hands over it. Movies, shopping whatever it may be, I realised, that she loved my company and so did I. And moreover I was satisfied rather happy to get back that smile on her face. Soon I became the strength of her loneliness, sometimes though down with some nostalgic thoughts, as she used to compare me with Sid which I hated the most as I didn’t want anybody to snatch away the best curve on her body; that’s her ‘smile’.
I was not sure, but for the last few days I was kind of lost somewhere waiting for someone. I just felt that something seized my heart. It took some time to realise that I was in ‘LOVE’ with Sia.
It was 28th June, her birthday. I asked her to keep herself free that evening as I planned to take her somewhere of my choice and she agreed.
She was in black denim and a white top and it was worth looking at her. She was looking gorgeous. We went to her favourite restaurant and ordered an Italian cuisine that she loved the most. All over, it was quiet late. We came out of the restaurant and went to a park.
“Sia, there is something special for you”. I just took the red rose out that I was hiding for such a long time, went on my knees and asked;
“Will you be my valentine??”
I could see her face blushing. Without saying anything, she came close, accepted it, gave a tight hug and whispered in my ear.
“Yes; I will, I would love to be your valentine” !
Her reply was something out of this world. I found myself in cloud nine. We were walking, holding each other’s hand and depicting thousands of words without any conversation. It seemed that our heart beats were in resonance. The bright light of the moon paving the way, and soothing breeze blowing around us were making the scenario much more romantic. It seemed as if nature was also happy for us.
I dropped her home and ended with a formal goodbye.
“Thanks for such a wonderful treat. It’s the best day of my life” she replied.
“And...........I LOVE YOU” she added
“I LOVE YOU TOO” I replied; and went out from there.
That was the most beautiful night I ever had. I could feel her presence everywhere around me. Her voice was echoing in my ears. I could feel my breath surrounded by her fragrance.
The very next morning, I got a call from her mother;
“Beta jaldi aao” ( son come fast). Before I could ask her anything, she disconnected.
Within half an hour I was there, trying to find Sia so that I could get a clear idea what actually happened. Everyone was calm and quiet, and all I could hear was the mourning of a woman.
And at last I found her, lying peacefully on her bed. I just went close to her;
“Hey Sia look I am here, open your eyes dear, listen to me sweet heart” I screamed but she didn’t. Everything was in vain. My eyes filled with tears and I felt as if I was separated from my heart. I kissed her forehead and asked;
“Why did you do this to me”. And the answer was in that note lying beside her;
“I am sorry. I am really sorry for what I did but I was helpless. My mind was totally in favour of you but I couldn’t give you that space in my heart where Sid used to be. Now also sometimes I get dipped in his thoughts and in this way none of us will be happy. I was with him for one and a half years and believe me it’s really hard to forget those days and moments I spent with him. I was totally stressed and when I realised that you are in love with me, it was my conscience that made me clear that I am not going to make equity with the decision.
I was in favour with your proposal because I don’t want to hurt your feelings. I just want to see you happy for the last time and so did I. And also I want someone who really loved me from the bottom of his heart, so that even I do have the feeling that at last I got my ‘true love’.
But you know what once the heart starts beating with each other’s impulses, at that sort of time if any one of the two tries to get over with the relationship it’s too painful. So I decided to move out of your life before the situation gets worse. And I don’t want to give you the same that I got.
Not much to say, you are really very sensible and caring and I hope you will get a better life partner. And she will be very lucky to have you as a boyfriend.
Whatever it may be but the love and care that I got from you was beyond expectation and I am really happy that you were with me on the last day of my life.
LOVE YOU; and sorry once again
Yours
SIA”.
This was the last letter penned down by her. Years passed but it’s still with me as it makes me feel her presence. But I realised that there are some wounds and pain that cannot be healed with time, especially if it is related to someone very close to your heart.
Now all I can say is:
“I really loved her, but she was not destined to be mine”.