Vacuum

I love you.

That's a very cliched line almost to the point that it loses it's meaning.

And still, I mean it.

But, it didn't really work out, did it?

We understood each other but I guess I wasn't good enough.

My arms wasn't strong enough to hold you.

My eyes wan't clear enough to see through you.

My feet wasn't planted enough to receive all challenges.

My courage isn't good enough to keep holding on.

And that made our relationship on and off.

It made it occasional.

Sometimes we are, sometimes we are not.

Every single time that we are apart, emotionally, I felt lonely and sad.

At those times, I spent most of my time of day over thinking about you.

Then, after some time, one of us will reach out to the other.

And we'll somehow get back together.

But, still with a little tension.

It makes my heart skip every time you reach out to me.

It eases the feeling of sadness inside me.

And, after some time, we'll grow apart again and cycle goes on and on.

That hid the fact that something different is happening.

I realized that the sadness wasn't really eased.

It just vanishes, leaving an empty space in my heart;

Leaving a question of what to do next;

And leaving a sense anxiety that I don't know what I'm doing.

And now I'm here,

Still the usual coward who can't hold on.

It has actually been months since we last talked.

This is the longest time that we didn't reach out to each other.

Maybe you're just busy or maybe I'm busy.

Maybe I was just afraid of the responsibility when this get serious.

Maybe I was just destined to wander a vacuum with an empty heart,

Trying to find nothing in particular.