I believe human beings aren’t the best or the greatest at a lot of things. Despite the somewhat impressive list of accomplishments in our kitty, there are a lot of other, more important things that we haven’t quite yet figured out for ourselves. It is difficult for us to tell people who matter how much they mean to us. We don’t trust a stranger because it is more probable and believable for one to be a crook than a kind, genuine soul. We worry more about God than the fellow beings we inhabit this planet with. Our outward appearances concern us more than what our insides feel like to us. Honesty, loyalty and brotherhood seem to be becoming alien concepts. And we, us humans, have completely forgotten how to take a joke.
I read the newspaper or watch the news channels on television and it mostly leaves me despondent. Unfortunately, I was a child when the world had been a little simpler and less messed up and hence I don’t remember anything of that euphoric time. And now, as an adult of the 21st century, wherever I look, I see the death of hope, love and comradeship. I try, most days, to fight the fights I can and continue believing in the positive ripple effects of my words and actions but there are also days when I am ready to give up and sit back, to watch the end of the world unfold right in front of my eyes.
Often, value and worth are attached to those who are engaged in activity that is either minting money or minting power. Nobody seems to care any more about the means; it is all about reaching the goal, the end, and that’s got nothing to do with being generous, accommodating and accepting souls. It is therefore easy today for people to write themselves off as losers or failures, because we have altered entirely the basis on which we define success and victories. Ethics and moral value lectures are ridiculed and it is sad to see that the teachers and professors who are appointed to deliver these classes also believe in their redundancy. How do you expect a child to understand how or why the world suddenly begins to feed the corrupt and noisy, while disregarding those who are innocent and polite, just as he/she steps into adolescence/adulthood? I pick that time of the growing up years because that is when I believe a child begins to understand that it is an individual, a member of the community, a citizen of this world, independent of friends and family.
I am not corrupt. I am neither noisy. I am not so sure about my innocence, but I know that I aim to be loud, as and when required. I’d understood at a young age that this world and its people were twisted. I have witnessed ignorance and indifference breed and infect everything and everyone on this planet, barring a select few. It takes active and conscious work each day for me to adjust and adapt my inner being to the functioning of this planet.
I like to believe I was born a non-conformist, and I am very well interested in staying and fighting and winning, even if I am not around to see it. The end of the world, as we know it, is certain. I do not plan on channelling my resources to that cause; that full stop is coming for us all, it is on its way. It cracks me up sometimes when I see and hear humans so conveniently assume that the end of the world would coincide with the end of them, the latter following the former, as if this planet or this universe was not capable enough or interested enough in surviving long after human beings would become extinct.
I know I am no expert in the matters of life and death but I surely can speak for myself, and about what I think, and feel, and comprehend, and like, and what I stand for and what I refuse to accept as sane and reasonable.
There are many, by now, who know what’s been up with and in my life the past few months. For those who don’t, fret not, I’ll give you a quick recap. I left work last year in October after having served as an MNC employee for a mere six months and utilised whatever time I had left before the year was to end in figuring out what I wanted to do next. After much this and that I managed to score a seat at a foreign university in Europe where I’ll be headed to this August to start school for a post-graduate degree. You might be wondering why that piece of information was required here but wait, I’m getting to that too.
I have been home since November of last year and will leave only in August this year. So, in the meantime, what did I do? What have I been up to? Did I volunteer some place? Maybe take up an internship? Who cares if it only looks good on paper and pays nothing, right? Did I look for another job? Did I even try? Who cares if I didn’t want to? Because today, we need a tangible cause or reason to attach worth or value to a human and if you aren’t productive or haven’t been, you, my friend, are labelled all sorts of things.
I am going to be honest here. When I’d hear of people who had taken a year off, planned or otherwise, I always wondered what they did in their time, how they got by. People who had an agenda would clearly be occupied with that, the year or time off serving as means to an end, like it did in my case. But what about those who hadn’t seen this time off coming, just like I hadn’t? Are you confused? Good, because you should be. You see, I hadn’t anticipated that the unfolding of events leading to the exit of me from my country would happen the way they did. So, while I was busy with college applications, researching for colleges and courses, reaching out to professors for recommendation letters and then waiting for acceptances, there was much time in my hands that I was free to use any way that I had wanted to; something that had not happened to me in the 22 years of my life so far. And once the acceptances came in and I picked what college I’d be going to, I got pulled into visa work and all that it entails. But one thing remained the same. I had time, to myself, for myself, that nobody else had any claims on. No teacher, no exam, no client, no boss, no parent. I had a break, one which I think was decently deserved, if not well-deserved. As I started to figure out how I’d want to spend the next few months that I knew I had, I understood what other people might have done with their time off. Believe me, I am glad that this happened.
Why I write this is because I have been wanting to share a few if not all, acceptably life-altering lessons I have learnt in this time. I call them lessons because I can’t think of a better or an easier word right now. Some are experiences, some are realisations and some are just stories. Bear with me, I know I sound self-indulgent right now. Who am I to tell you how to get by in life, right? I agree. But I guess I could share either way, and if it helps both me and you, what’s the harm? If any damage is done, just let me know. But if this helped in any way, let me know then too.
Here goes.
1.Change is certain. Each day might appear same as the last but that is seldom true. On some days change is as slow as a snail’s pace and on some it is drastic and bold, but things, people, circumstances, situations, wants, needs, desires, aspirations- they all keep changing with each passing day. Some differences are subtle so we don’t always end up identifying them. Some alterations however are explicit, and they reinstate very firmly that nothing ever stays the same. It is therefore essential that we keep our hearts and heads open to change and learn to adapt, adjust and accommodate when the need arises. We must be prepared to deal with the certainty of change, if not the change itself.
2.There was a time when all you could do, or were doing, was dreaming about wanting to have what you have today. Remember that day and be grateful that your plans worked out the way they did, in your favour, after all the blood and tears you shed to get where you are. Do not let anyone make your personal victories a sour affair. We’re all living life the best way that we can, each one of us having been dealt a different set of cards. It is imperative that we remember that nobody’s struggle is more or less difficult than another’s’, and that we all work hard and persevere to get to where we want to, in our lives. There is no room for comparison because we are each different from another. Look at your accomplishments with pride, because there was a day when you didn’t have in hand what you hold so close to your heart today. Believe and relish in your own success stories.
3.Friendships are important, and necessary, to sail through life and its everyday turmoil. Friends are people who you aren’t born into, unlike a family, and we have all the freedom in the world to pick those who we intend to share our lives with. Outside of your close, immediate family, friends are people who by choice, and not by biological compulsion will stand by you through thick and thin. Acquaintances, colleagues and classmates we all got, people who have grown up with us and seen the world transform and move ahead as it has, but friends are those who transform and move ahead with you, each making the other stronger, happier and better. Home Team, that’s what I like to call it. Friends who have become family now, and who I hold very close to my heart. Friendship is free from the kind of expectation and disappointment that usually masks a romantic relationship or a familial one. Your friends will accept you the way you are, just as you accept them for who they are, and together you will all constitute that home team I believe each one of us should find and build and nurture and preserve, till the day we die. Be very careful of the people you choose to befriend. They are important. They are needed. They are special. And, there’s no easy way to break up from a friendship. So, be thankful for the ones you got and keep them close.
4.With time, the one relationship I believe I have seen the most ups and downs with is the one that I share with my parents. As I stepped into adolescence, followed by adulthood, there was so much in me and about me that changed, that it became much for them to handle and deal with and adjust to. Since I believe very strongly in the concept of individualism, I guess my parents and I had a different set of changes we each were trying to fathom and make sense of as I grew into more and more of who I was, or rather am. I figured soon enough that this journey wouldn’t be smooth, and it hasn’t gotten any less easy since then. I gathered that it was okay for them to support me without understanding me fully, a 100%, and that it was fair and natural for them to worry about me, despite me not needing them or wanting them around so much any longer. I think it’s best to try and decipher issues of conflict rather than indulge in senseless arguments, something that I work on each day. It is inevitable, these changes here and there, and the correct way to deal with them is by not jumping to conclusions or pointing fingers.
As we grow older, we begin to view our parents as not just parents but also as people, and often end up subjecting them to the same kind of evaluation that we partake in when we meet new people in our outside lives. When that happens, it is possible that their words and/or actions begin to weigh differently in your head as a shift in intention, purpose and meaning takes place but it is essential that you remember that they were and are people first, and then parents. It is okay for them to have made mistakes, have secrets, hold regret and carry sadness and despair in their hearts.
5.Experience with death will definitely alter how you look at life. It could be a friend, a long lost relative, a grandparent or a family friend. Death, like change, is certain, only its occurrence and nature is uncertain. We are all mortal beings and destined to die one day, some before others, but we all cross that final finish line one day. And when that happens, race, colour, religion, riches- none of that matters. Underneath that large expanse of skin, we are all the same, mere flesh and bones. Mortality is a great reminder of why we should strive to do our own personal best, without getting caught up by distractions. An inevitable end should never keep anyone from ambition, only keep them grounded and humble.
It is also important for us to understand that we all process death differently. There is no rule book that can be or must be followed when it comes to coping with the loss of a loved one, and the very obvious pain and grief that it brings along. We all need to respect the varied ways each of us builds to get through tough times following death, and give each other the time, space and love that is required. But, we must not forget to care for the ones still alive and not focus only on those who are long gone. Love must be cherished and carried carefully and warmly in our hearts, till the day we are to prosper and shine.
6.Love is as wacky as it is wonderful. It can make you but also break you. It comes by rarely, and unfortunately can slip away in the blink of an eye. Because it is one thing to love someone, but being in love with someone is a different ball game altogether. Like Robert Frost’s Fire and Ice, love is warm and bright on some days and cold and heartless on others. It teaches you so much about yourself, about people, about this world, that you should be immensely thankful that it happened to you, even if it didn’t last. But worry not, some love stories aren’t meant to go forever, not because there wasn’t enough love but because just love is not always enough. It is easy to pass the blame, not take responsibility for your words or actions and assume that love won’t ever happen to you again. Believe me, that last bit is not true. There is always more love to give, and to receive. Sometimes people are toxic or not healthy for you. Sometimes the timing is all wrong. Sometimes circumstances rule you more than you could let your heart rule your life. In that case, it is necessary to identify when it’s time to call it off with someone because it isn’t working out. Maybe you find each other again at a later stage in life. Maybe you don’t. But be happy that it happened, that you found somebody you could love with all your heart and soul. Because that feeling, it is priceless and indescribable. Do not romanticise your heartbreak or assume that your break-up was the worst thing that could have happened to you.
7.Dreams. They are powerful tools which can steer the course of your life towards greatness. It is okay for your dreams to change shape and structure as you grow up, but it is important that you continue dreaming- at five years old, thirty-five years old or eight-five years old. I think it is a common misconception that dreams need to be massive and grand, and that if they aren’t they aren’t dreams at all. That is incorrect. Your dreams stem from your own understanding of what you believe life is made of what you wish to accomplish as you live and breathe. Not everybody will see what you see or be able to comprehend your dream, but never let that deter you from carving your own path and walking on it with your head held high. You will fall, no doubt. But as long as you keep going at it, and put in the best of your efforts, no one will be able to stop you from conquering your fears and failures, and emerging victorious on the other end. No dream is too small or lacking meaning that it doesn’t deserve a fight.
8.Me time is a must. Leisure must be taken seriously and there is no shame in asking for some time for yourself. We are all free to press the pause button sometimes and simply do nothing. Sometimes it could be time spend in self-education and sometimes it could just be entertainment. We are made to feel insignificant or selfish or lazy if we take some time for ourselves, and I believe that is completely unfair and also a little silly. We all require a few seconds, maybe a day, some months, whatever it takes to recuperate from the inside and take care of ourselves. Self-care and self-esteem are time consuming tasks which need strength, determination and patience. It is a lot of work to make peace with who you are and to forgive, accept and embrace one’s true self. Only you have the right to write your story the way you want to, and if you wish to share it and how. You can be of help to others only when you are fit as a fiddle and in order to keep the insides and the outsides strong, you need to rest.
Using your me time effectively is a matter of utmost concern. It is important for you to believe first in your worth before anybody else does. Find ways of self-expression that will help you communicate better with yourself and the world. It could be music that does the trick for you or books or food or travel or even mathematics, for all I care. Just find that one thing which enriches your soul and hold on to it, tight.
9.I know this one might seem odd to be featured on the list but I think it’s something that needed to be addressed. Our modes of communication and information creation and sharing have undergone some tremendous transformations in the past few years. It has certainly been a lot for everyone to catch up on. I urge people to be conscious and aware of the social media footprint they leave on the internet today and be mindful of it. It is on each one of us to control and monitor the kind of information we consume on a daily basis and how we consume it. It might not seem as important and life-threatening as some of the other stuff on here, but believe me when I say that it is. It is on us to take the time out to watch out for what we hear on the radio, read in the papers, and watch on television. It is the need of the hour to stay clear of bias and judgement basis manufactured, incorrect and incomplete information which seems to be finding its way very easily into our everyday lives today. Busting myths and assumptions and furthering the need for acceptance, empowerment and generosity should begin at home, should begin with each one of you.
10.Your words and your actions matter, more than you think they do. We often complain about the balance in our bank accounts, the scores on our mark sheet, the inches of our waist being the criteria basis which we are judged by society but have we ever taken a minute to think why that has become the case? It is all hidden in our words and our actions because the kind of world you end up creating all around you is starkly reflective of what you say and how you say it and what you do and how you do it. They create ripple effects, both strong and significant. So, be thoughtful and kind the next time you are asked to review a fellow’s work, or when you decide to leave a comment on someone’s picture on social media or when you are asked to show up for people who are not family but need you nonetheless.
Life’s a mystery. We neither know what it’ll unravel for us with each passing day nor how much time we have left on this planet. Us, mere specks of dust, might just turn out to be a figment of an unknown creature’s imagination. But as long as we don’t know that for sure, this time, today, right now is all that we’ve got and it is upon each one of us to make this limited time as wonderful, peaceful and fantastic as we can. It is on us to be better and get better.