In between the busy two years after we part ways, I never had the courage to really vocally express how I felt about you. I guess I'm now emotionally ready to do so.
It is undeniable that we both felt something. In the absence of commitment, that promising bond vanish like it never existed. I don't know really what went wrong. I don't know what to do about it.
For two years, I carried the feelings and thoughts with me. There were some questions in my head. There were those series of what if's. Because in that very short span of meeting and knowing you, I kinda saw the future already. You were there when I was so broke. You painstakingly put the broken pieces of me back together. You showed me that there's always reason to smile.
But the thing is that our difference cause too much adversity between us. Not that I care, but it has affected you so much. You saw me way too high. You put so much pressure on yourself. Maybe because I had my eligibility, or because I speak English too often. Or perhaps because it was easy for me to leave my job when I want to. And I don't know if it's you or the feelings that was weak that's why we never lasted. Because honestly, I never ask for you to posses those qualities that the society demands. I never ask for you to have a permanent job, or to be licensed even. I never demanded for anything. You were enough that time.
And yes, age was not the issue. I never cared the five years gap. it was the generation gap that mattered. You were ready to settle. To me, the world was just starting to open. And though we both saw the future together, the timing really isn't good.
That's why the movie "Starting Over Again" really fits us. A movie with no happy ending. Because even though now that our paths have cross once again, what we had will never be back. It was completely gone.
But I'm happy that you finally found someone new. Someone who could give you what I couldn't give. Your life chef! I'm learning how to cook though. No worries, I'd still say hi when we meet on the road. With no regrets, this is me saying goodbye.
I feel so free now. This time with no extra emotional baggage.