As a child, I've always asked my Mother if I really belonged to my family; whether I was adopted from an orphanage or if I was found on the streets. She would laugh her guts out every time I questioned her and dismiss the topic because I was just a silly innocent little child. Growing up did not change anything. I felt and still feel the same disconnect with my family; like I never belonged there in the first place.
Many say I look like my Mother, yet I am nothing like her. Father and I share a very formal relationship. My brother and I are total opposites, having nothing in common and me being 11 years younger than him just makes things a little more awkward. I was born into a somewhat conservative family, where girls could wear short skirts and socialize yet not choose their own groom from another religion/caste. I'm guessing that's the case almost everywhere but times are changing.
So I grew up and as I got older, I realized I had become very shy and reserved. I don't intend to sound ungrateful but self-expression wasn't a favorite term for my family. And in a way, it kind of made me a different person, making it difficult for me to actually bring out my own true self. While all my cousins chose to stay in my hometown for further studies, I was determined that I had to get out of that place in order for me to grow as a person and so I did. I graduated with a bachelors in commerce and a masters in business administration, got placed with a reasonably well established firm. But still did not have a life of my own. It is difficult to start expressing yourself when, all your life you have been surrounded with people who have always made decisions for you.
People often say that having a job gives you independence. While that may be right, it can also be wrong. I had a job yet I did not have independence. I was too afraid to even start opening up and living my life because I thought that might offend my Mother and Father. I was like Whiskey in a Coffee Cup. Too jealous of the fantastic lives my work friends had, I decided to leave it be and concentrate on building a career. While everyone were busy making memories, my life was basically just about work and back home.
But then it changed, when "I" decided that I no longer wanted anyone to take decisions for me or restrict my hopes and dreams to become a better person. Ending my two year stint at work, I moved to London to pursue higher studies; which I thought would take me one step closer to achieving success. London was a beautiful chapter that taught me to live alone and still be happy; to go through the worst trials in life and still have hope; to have courage to express my thoughts and opinions and not care about what anybody thinks about you; to take decisions that can make or break you; to always be kind and never take things for granted.
I believe that along the way in our lives, we meet many people. Each one of them teaches you something or the other; good or bad. At the end of the day, what matters is that you learn. You learn to cope, you learn to survive in an environment that may not be tailored to suit your requirements. But you still live. For yourself. At 27, I am still Whiskey in a Coffee Cup. I may not resemble my family or imbibe their behavioral patterns and traditions, but I am definitely living my life right now without regretting any of what I did not get to do before.