Changes are both amazing and scary at the same time. But I get to learn where to stand. I get to embrace myself for who I am. And recognize what I am capable of.
I wasn't much of a trusting person. I have always been the cynical type... The serious, logical, always thinking one. No matter how much emotions I have, I always made sure to think of it carefully. Is it right? Is it worth it? Won't I regret at the very end?
I have always been uptight. One with the impenetrable walls. One with the safety bubble nobody could ever pop that fast. I wasn't that easy. I wasn't even open.
But the moment you came, everything changed.
All that I wasn't, became what I am. I began to open up. I began to trust enough. I began to take risks. I began to feel what it is to truly live. How it is to be that carefree. How it is to feel happiness without thinking sadness would take over after. How it is be me.
But a part of me nudged me after a while. Coz for the longest time I was with you, I began to change. I did the things I didn't know I was capable of. I became a stranger to my own self. Then, I began asking, if I was really still me?
My values were violated. I wasn't so much in control. You have crept into my whole system that I felt so naked and bare.
It's amazing coz you showed me what I can be, but dear, I'm sorry. I think, this isn't so healthy. I should be who I am, when you're with me. But I guess I lost myself entirely.