It has been a long time since I have felt strong,
When nothing could shake my confidence.
But now, I'm on my knees,
And I search for companies.
But the more I look, the further I go,
And I feel like I'll never stop.
So the panic arise,
That I'll be left behind.
And as the mist clears,
My reality turns into the nightmares,
I was a little bit late,
In realizing my illusive state.
I am in fact now, Isolated.
That too, was a long time ago.
Now I call this solitude my home.
Over time I learned a lot many things,
Like the peace, that being alone brings.
The disappointments that now, I don't have to face,
The relief that my actions don't bring anyone disgrace.
And I got a bit used to and cozy in that,
As I unlearned and forgot the ways of social interact.
But yet again I was stricken, by the vicissitudes of life,
A presence felt better than this solitude.
And I was yet again in a turmoil,
What shall I do, I can't decide.
This internal chaos turned my mind off,
And my reaction of inaction got a little long.
And so, yet again, I'm Isolated.
Anxious, Afraid, Uncertain, Insecure,
That's not it, there's many many more.
These feelings now don't leave me alone,
This solitude is just torture, what once was my home.
It has been ages, since I have felt strong,
I can't differentiate the nightmares, from reality anymore.
And all that I once loved, is eating me like a cancer,
All their "why's" and "when's", that for I don't have an answer.
And now I just want to have a peaceful night,
Noise, chaos, Questions and Answers, and all my sufferings, I wish I could cast aside.
But I have exhausted my strength, so feel my pleading countenance,
For someone to erase, my abominable existence,
For I'm not left with any desire or hope,
This pandemonium, I can not cope.
And this time, I wish to be, Isolated.
...
From myself.