What is it that you have given me?
What is the one thing you have left me with?
I still lay on the same bed with my eyes all watery,
With my heart yearning to be heard and
My pain longing to be shared. My vision is distorted,
Blurred by the images of your hand slipping away.
My lips have now dried
They miss the comfort of yours.
The fact that I am 7796 miles away
From your arms doesn’t kill me.
But the intution that your arms have now
Forgotten the coziness of my waist surely does.
I now pick myself up every time
I miss my step without the need of your hand,
But how am I supposed to save myself from drowning,
and sinking deeply in your love?
Bit by bit but all at once.
I know there is no apparent reason.
There should be none they say.
I look at them,
the same way I looked at mother
when she told me that I’d regret.
I do not regret though.
Regret is a word too harsh.
I love the way I love you and
I know you love it too.
But I miss feeling loved.
I broke up with you before coming here.
I read long articles on how long distances never work
And that college is nothing but one-night stands and drugs.
Why have I not fallen for the trap yet?
Why did I not have the urge to give in?
Why does my body lack the desperate desire to get laid?
We decided one week ago that we’d give it one more shot
Because you told me my assumptions and
thoughts earlier were baseless and were required not.
“Yes” I said- my heartbeats increasing in pace.
They saw how happy I was.
I didn’t have to apply rouge for days.
Every morning I woke up expecting your call,
Every night I lay waiting for the time I know
You wake up every day. But it dint happen.
You never called
And you missed half of mine.
It’s been fifty-eight hours and I haven’t heard from you.
However, your Facebook wall and
Instagram speaks to me every now and then.
What have I done to deserve this baby?
Was I not the only one who stood by you
When they accused you of cheating on me?
Did you never have my lap to rest your head
When those troubles caught your brain?
Did I not cry those nights with you
When you gave away?
Did I not go overboard to attempt things
I shouldn’t have at the mere age of thirteen
Because I did not want you to feel
That I am ruining your twenties?
The day you told me I wasn’t pretty a year ago,
I looked at mirror and burnt my face.
The day you told me I was fat,
I ran on the treadmill for four hours straight.
The day you told me I cribbed too much,
I made sure I spoke less about things
That troubled me and gave me the stress.
The day you said you liked someone else
I cried and moved away, all depressed.
Then there came a day a year later when you
said you realized how much you loved me
And how fake are the rest.
No questions, no explanations, I just said yes.
Here we are three years later
Yet on the same page.
I believe so strongly in an illusion,
In a dream that I ignore the truth more or less.
I believe in your love so much so that I haven’t
Given up yet
Even though she sent me a picture of you
Naked on her bed.