There are times that I wanted to put our picture on the net and have a caption #loveislove. But it would be unfair for you and things might not look good.
I was deeply sad that time and hearing it from you made it worse. Yes I do agree that I was the one who have fallen hard for you and because of that I was able to stay a little longer on our imaginary relationship. And memories from the past keeps coming back. I didn't know it would move so fast. That I didn't realize that it would end here. But maybe you already know. And didn't told me.
I know we were long gone. But still my heart doesn't admit that we are not together. My heart still aches for you.
I called you that night. My heart didn't raise. And on the other line I thought you wouldn't pick up and when I was about to hung up you said hello. We said our hi's. And you asked what about. I said nothing. You said you have to go because you were traveling. Then we said our goodbyes.
Nothing... Just checking. And wanting to hear your voice once more. And you made me happy that night. Such a joy to hear a familiar voice.
Suddenly memories came to me again. Both wonderful and sad. The time you said you love me. The time you hold my hand. The time I hurt you but you didn't fight back. And the time you got mad at me because I was swaying the bridge so hard that you almost cried. The time I played with you in the see-saw. You were mad as a hatter. You were humiliated because I saw your face turned red. The time you hugged me so tight when I got back from my leadership program, told me that you missed me. The time when I let you choose. Who would it be? Friends or me? You cried. Then told me that you don't like choosing. Then realize I was a bad friend. We fought about small things. Pathetic ones that even ourselves wouldn't know why or what we were fighting at the first place. I would care for you in a distance. Looking at you feels like sunshine. I dont know if you remembered but during a reach-out activity I was looking at you from a square hole window. (I know its creepy. Me too I notice what I did was creppy.) You were outside and I was inside a small hut. It made me smile seeing you that day. All smiles.
Now memories fading. The way I feel for you. How your hand fits mine. How your face looks. And how long your hair was.
I became a different person. It is true from a quote I read. "That a person can be different once broken." But all those hate, love and frustrations I thank you. Even though it was short. I enjoyed your company and our memories. And because of you I learn how to accept things. Learned to let go of not wanting us back. And appreciate the simple things that God has given.
Remember these? I was the one who was checking on you of how your day was. Listening to your little complains and your favorite icons, and music. Even though you only shared a few. The one who would ask "How may I help you?" Even though you won't tell me what's on your mind I know something is bothering you. But then I stop being pushy because I know you won't like it. I was always patient and understanding to every situation that you were busy. The time I wanted to hang out with you but said you weren't sure. And when I opened your IG story there it was. The answer I've been looking for. You didn't told me that you can't go because you have friends to meet. But then I say to myself. Why? Why should I get jealous? It was me who said "Chat me if you're free this Saturday." So why be mad at you when you already said "I don't know yet." I should remember you have a life. You have other friends than me. So I shouldn't be selfish and unfair. You need your own happiness too. And I should remember that my life doesn't revolve around you anymore. I should always remember that.
I'm sorry for not there last time when you needed me.
No matter what I'm always here for you.