Weave Your Story, Weave Your Life

We all have a story to tell. Whether we tell our personal tales or speak through our characters, we leave bits of ourselves in each piece we produce. Personally, I envy the fiction writers, who can weave whole new worlds and people from start to finish. I’m a nonfiction writer - I tell my own stories, and I knit them together in a way that gives them a dream-like, fiction quality. And that’s what I’m hoping to show in this little guide here - how to write a piece of nonfiction that isn’t merely explaining what happened, but one that drags your reader in and puts them in your place, so that they feel like they are you. I’ll explain why I even bother writing about myself and finish off with a few tips that have helped me become a better writer. But first, I think it’s important to discuss a creative person’s purpose because sometimes we get a bad rap - too emotional, too focused on things that don’t matter, too introspective. I don’t believe that’s true. In fact, I believe we have a much greater impact than we are given credit for.

 I firmly believe the purpose of a creative person is to let others know they are not alone. Think of all the creative mediums there are - art, music, writing, dancing, etc. - any one of these can speak to someone. We all have different interests, so someone may be moved or inspired while viewing the works of Frida Kahlo, sympathising with her pain and joy, while another person will be brought to tears by a U2 song. No matter who you are, you’ve most likely been affected by someone’s creativity at some point over your life.

 I think, when a creative person expresses herself, she is, in a sense, calling out to other people - a proclamation of vulnerability - saying, “Look here! I hurt too! You’re not alone in your pain,” or “There are good things coming. Don’t give up!” And that call will reach someone, even if it’s just one other person, who will respond, quietly, “Yes, I hear you. Thank you.”

 So, that’s a creative person’s purpose, but what is her motivation? Why do creative people paint? Why do they compose music? Why do people write? I can’t answer for everyone, but I can certainly answer as to why I write. I write because I’m a terrible verbal communicator, an overthinker, and an exaggerator. I write for selfish reasons, because it’s a small pocket of my life where I unapologetically write my feelings and my point of view. In real life, when someone asks me how I’m doing, I (like most people) say, “fine,” even though my mind has 1,001 ideas and feelings floating around in there. When I say, “I love you” to my husband, and he says, “I know. I love you too” - I feel frustrated because those three words are so much less than what I’m actually feeling. So when I put pen to paper, I’m writing to make sense of emotions, my experiences, to explain myself in the frankest of details, to process what other people have done and said to me. It calms the swirling storm clouds in my mind, and I realize that the world isn’t out to get me.

 Let me try to give an example of what I mean by all this - after I wrote “Beats of Wings,” I read over my first draft and thought, “Wowww, my husband is one lucky fella.” Because, up until that point, I had never thought much about what I had done, what I had gone through, until I wrote it down on paper. Before I wrote the story, I had a permanent bubble at the base of my throat that threatened to explode each time I tried to explain to my husband just how much I had gone through for him and how agonizing some of those days were. That bubble is gone now - thanks to my cathartic writing.

 Many times, what usually inspires me to write something down in the first place, is one line that I have in mind. For example, in “Beats of Wings,” it was “There you were in your maroon sweater vest.” It was a simple introduction of how I first saw my husband when we met. Lucky for me, that time, it was the first line in my story, and I easily framed my story from that. It doesn’t always happen that way. If I have a sentence or phrase in mind, many other times, after I’m done free-writing, that paragraph or paragraphs will be moved to the middle or end of my story because it works better that way.

 Back to “Beats of Wings” - that started out purely as a gift for my husband - my initial intent was that it would briefly recount our love story. And, as I said before, I had my beginning line in mind from the very start: “There you were in your maroon sweater vest.” But as I began writing, I realized I needed my husband to experience the turmoil in both my mind and heart during the time we were separated. And that’s how I generally frame my stories - I want my readers to feel what I felt; I want them to see the experience through my eyes, so I describe my emotions in as much detail as possible. And this is exactly what I did in “Beats of Wings.” I didn’t want to simply tell my husband about my heartache and hope - he needed to drown in those emotions - and that’s where the idea of the fluttering wings came from. The wings idea morphed from the fluttery butterflies-in-your-stomach that new lovers get, but I didn’t want something quite so juvenile. I wanted a metaphor for hope that could slowly build over the course of the story - something that could become more intense as my hope and happiness built up throughout our relationship.

 Writing my experiences, especially my time living in India, has shown me how strong and courageous I am. By nature, I’m a big softie, I cry a lot, and I avoid confrontation, so many times, it’s hard for me to see how much I’ve done in my life and how far I’ve come. I never realize the magnitude of my choices until I write them down and read them again and again. It’s a confidence builder, for sure. I only wish I had started sooner. I was lucky enough to have been an English major, so my whole job in college was writing. But then real life got in the way, and I brushed writing aside for several years. Then, I moved to Kerala, and people back home begged me to start a blog about what my life was like there. So I did, and let me tell you, my first blog entry is terrible - it’s choppy, it doesn’t transition well, and it’s repetitive. Compare that with my more recent entries, and I can see now that I’ve hit my stride and my style. And I know that a small part of that is due to raw writing talent, but I truly believe that I would nowhere without some of the writing tips I learned from my English professors, and I’d like to share which ones have helped me most.

Don’t Stop Writing.

Nobody is a good writer when just beginning, and the only way you can improve in creativity, tone, grammar, whatever is if you keep writing. When you’re starting out, don’t worry about “the right way” to create your content. Just get it down on paper or on a computer screen. I’m a huge proponent of free-writing, and hand-written free-writing, no less. My mind moves much quicker than my typing skills, so the method to my madness is speed writing with a pen - scribbling, underlining, crossing out words. It’s a beautiful thing. But not everyone likes free-writing, and that’s okay. Some people outline, some people mind-map, some people create lists - all of it’s useful - but, for goodness sake, find your niche and don’t let it go.

This “don’t stop writing” attitude can even help you through a creative block, which is the bane of all writers everywhere. For me, I hit one when I have a Point A and a Point C, but I can’t figure out a Point B. Or I finally figure out a Point B but it turns into a Point 2, so then do I change A and C to 1 and 3? What helps me most, in order to break through a creative block, is to take a step back from writing, and go for a walk, read, watch TV - do anything but write. Then, once I’ve calmed down and spent some time away, I come back to my piece and write a sentence or two, even if I hate the sentences I write. It’s important to keep writing, and usually, before I know it, I’ve written myself through the creative block and am back on track.

Use Active Verbs and Voice.

I tutor younger people in writing, and this is something that almost everyone struggles with. People think that using active voice isn’t good enough because it’s not as wordy as passive voice and takes up less space than a passively-worded sentence. But passive sentences are snoozefests to read. For example, instead of saying “The house was painted red by me” say “I painted the house red.” If it can be said directly, then say it directly. Use your active voice. Don’t beat around the bush - raze the bush to the ground.

Show, Don’t Tell.

“She looked angry” versus “Her fists clenched, her face flushed, and she glared straight ahead.” Which paints a better picture of anger? Showing your reader versus telling your reader is something that takes A LOT of practice and A LOT of revisions. If it’s a passage or a sentence that can be described with imagery, then do it.

But Don’t Overdo It Either.

I see this in dialogue many times, and I’ve certainly been guilty of it. I’ll see a written conversation that uses every single word - giggled, exclaimed, shouted, whispered, warbled, argued - except for “said” and sometimes that’s all that is needed. Again, this is something that takes practice - deciding which parts of your story need more detail and which can be left at its most basic.

And there you have it. I hope you take these tips to heart, and you’ll use them the next time you’re furiously writing about the boy or girl who broke your heart. I hope you revise and polish your writing until it shines (and that’s another beautiful thing about writing - it can always be changed). And never be discouraged. If someone reads your story and says it stinks, first, ask them why it stinks, and then dump that person because you don’t need unconstructive criticism in your life. Second, take their criticisms and revamp your piece. Weave your story; weave your life. Knit it together one line at a time until you have a colorful tapestry that draws people to it and makes them say, “You have lived a beautiful life.”