Hey Mom,
It's been a long time, 10 years now, and I am still waiting for you to come back. Forgive me and just come back. I always wonder what I did that was so wrong that you preferred to leave.. You know that guy I was so excited that he loved me, the one you told him to take care of me, well, we married, and he couldn't take care of me, so we divorced. Yes mom I am divorced now..
You know when you told me that you prayed that I get the best hair in the world, I think your prayers were granted, it looks just like khalto, it's quit as thin now though, not as thick as yours I know, which is disappointing but eh, no one gets it all..
I am still in love with your perfume, I wear it at home sometimes..
Remember when you told me time would teach me what you couldn't, and it's lessons would be much harsher than yours..well both are harsh..I got a lot of kicks in the arena of life, and punches to the face..
I got a divorce, got manipulated, broken hearted so many times, I lost so many friends, got closer to family and far again..
I make my own money now, I would have brought you all what you have been wishing for, I would have brought you even a house..
Grandpa passed too..but i got the chance to say good bye, I got to be more responsible..
I have tasted depression and loneliness, I attended weddings and saw mothers cry their girls to their new homes, I cried myself there and cried myself out too..
I wonder would all this not have happened if you were here, would it have been any easier, they say mothers makes hearts ache less, mine ached so so bad mom.. I broke it myself multiple times, I loved but was never loved back, I was loved by the wrong people and pleased the wrong ones too, I have lost myself so many times and barely get it back..
I have a house now, a TV, a fridge and a laundry machine, all new, well I used up your money, sorry :D
10 years later and I feel that you left to punish me, thinking that when I have had enough you will miss me and come back. I don't feel God is punishing me, I feel it's you, because I wasn't obedient enough back then.
Please forgive me mom, please ask God to make things easier on me, I am so so so tired, I am tired of bad relationships, abusive people, I am tired of hating myself that much, I am tired of fighting to prove myself to the world
You know I have a job now, a very good paying so so hard job, it needs intelligence, and I have lost mine the moment I lost you, please allow it to come back, I put in so so many effort to keep up and I am too afraid to lose my grip.
Please mom make it stop, please please, i can't afford more heart breaks..
You know now i know why you loved aunt so much, she is too kind, she complains and whines a lot yes, but she is kind to me, she would spend hours listing to my stories and interrupting them with hers, you know she came to good terms with grandpa, they had so many fights before he passed but they loved each other..
You know you are so so so loved, a lot of people cry when they see me and see the resemblance between us, or when you are mentioned.. seems there was something so good about you that everyone loved that I either don't remember or never noticed, I wish I got it from you, I wish people would cry years after I pass too.. what did you do to people to love you so much..
Why didn't you teach me to be as lovable, I got your temper, I hope I don't fail in life because of it.. I was about to get your mindset but I helped myself back
I am sorry I can't remember you, it seems so painful of a memory.. 10 years later and I still can't believe that out of all people losing a mom happened to me..