Confidence

Sometimes..when things go well..and because I always expected the worst..
I wonder.. am I worthy of feeling confident..
I managed to accept that I am worthy of love..worthy of help..care and kindness
And it wasn't easy and I am still mindful whenever I reject one of those, that I shouldn't..
I push myself into accepting genuine care..and it works most of the time..or at least improves..
However, how about confidence..when I feel confident and in control.. when I am not a mess begging for attention and care in the most destructive ways..
Do I deserve that.. am I worthy of lifting my chin up..knowing I am a good person..and I do shine..
I am so used to being put down, minimized and feeling I am and whatever I am doing is not good enough..
I am afraid to lean into the feeling that I am enough, then the world slams a No!! in my face.

I am afraid of rejection after all this acceptance..
Although if you think about it..this acceptance should act as a fuel in the face of what is to come..
This is  enough should solidify the grounds benieth my feet.. so that wh