Logged in to Launchora after a long time, I guess things were happy enough and didn't need a recourse to go to. But as are the ways of life I am here again picking pieces of my shattered self, broken and damaged. How many times will this happen before i actually call quits, this question crops up every fucking time but I haven't even came close to any answers.
I love him, I am sure of this, he loves me, I know this too.Why does this happen then, why every single time my happiness is snatched from me as if I am a toy, someone to be played with, who has no emotions no feelings and should just be slave to whims and fancies of other people, If this is what happens in Love then seriously there is something wrong with way the world works. If I don't have any rights over him why doesn't he be a man and dump me right away why does he torture me one step a time and lead me to a place where the damage to my soul would be such that there will be no feelings left whatsoever. Am I destined to this to be in constant fear of losing him crying my heart out, I have come to a place where I don't even want to speak because I know the futility of begging for my happiness, he comes, snatches a part of me peeling my soul and leaves me lying there in the pool of the blood of my feelings, and imagines everything to be perfect.
Expecting me to act normal behave normal and put a smile on face is so gross, I am ready to take everything but at least give me time , when a person dies their near ones are allowed to mourn, here every time a part of me dies I am expected to take it in jest and be happy as always, I guess the more I compromise the more I am expected to sacrifice and that too without an outcry, well outcry would be a very harsh word, here I don't even have the leverage to just be silent. For my silence is even accused of being a drama.
I wish I wouldn't have led myself into a world where I am just the other woman.......