Ever Been

Have you ever been into a relationship where all you did was cry? You try to count the happy times but you always find in the end that it's outnumbered by sadness from weekly fights. You try to hold on more, longer, tighter but the more grip you make, the more your hand bleeds.

And the more your heart breaks.

Have you ever been into a relationship where you have a partner but you always are alone? You thought having someone by your side can make your problems lighter, can give you a shoulder to lean on and a voice that will say everything will be fine. That he won't leave your side, but at that time, he turned his back, rode fast and never turned around.

Have you ever been into a relationship where you want to understand him but you also want to be understood more at some point because you have harder things to deal with from mourning for your love one? But he would only understand you on the day, but not anymore the next day. You always ask for consistency, you always beg for him to not atleast change while everything crashes around you, but he never listened to you.

Have you ever been into a relationship where he gives you hope, then destroy them later? You always believe his words of adjusting himself for you because he claims to understand you, but do the same mistakes again and say sorry simply as if you did not suffer the pain coming from his actions.

Have you ever been into a relationship where you always insist on having dates, remembers them and all he does is disagree and makes him uninterested? Did you not look like the excited one alone? You did not stop encouraging him even to the last point of your patience, but in the end, he left you hanging and crying alone again.

Have you ever been into a relationship where all you think about is surprising him, making him happy, making him satisfied? But he would not mind hurting you over again when he knows, he's sure that you cry even at the littlest thing. He's fine with it and never took resposibility out of it. With less effort, more empty words and insincere actions.

Have you ever been into a relationship that you are being recognized today but not always? That he always make you feel you have to fight for that label, you have to prove yourself you are his partner, you have to remind him like a nagger that you are the love of his life as he claimed to be because he often forgets how to treat you like a queen.

Have you ever been into a relationship that neglects you at times when you are very much in need of help? Of someone? A friend? But you can't even run to him because he's busy and would drop his phone within a minute because of his priorities. And your feelings weren't his priority.

Have you ever been into a relationship that was also built with promises? But most of those promises became holes in your almost broken heart, and you can already see blood enjoying its run, feasting on your missing flesh.

Have you ever been into a relationship that you're so proud of 100% but he does not feel the same way for some reason you don't know? You're not afraid kissing him in no time because at the moment you know you adore him, but he would push you away because he would not want to be seen by passers. He sees the harsh world whereas he's the only world you know of.

Have you ever been into a relationship where you can't be your real self and express your love at any given moment and chance? But he would not grab the opportunity because he thinks of living in his world more than a hundred years old, and I'm just somebody that can easily be replaced by those babes posting selfie pictures everyday without changing their background.

Have you ever been into a relationship in which you were there by his side in a bookstore and you caught his eyes following some girl for long minutes, in every turn, he watched her and dared to look at you to check if you caught him, but found you looking the other side so he came back to that girl and his eyes followed her around again.

Imagine how disrespectful that was to you.

Have you ever been into a relationship that makes you think you were the wrong one, you blame yourself for being so emotional? When you're just emotional because you're so much in love. In love but hurting, you try asking God why but his answers everytime you cry on your bed, was rain coming from above. Silence and little light.

Have you ever been into this relationship before and you told him not to ever see and talk to you again and he replied only "bye?" From this on, you know in your heart that you are not wanted and loved by the person you hold very dear. Who are you anyway? You're just some sidechick right.

Have you ever been into this relationship?

Because now, I'm so fed up.

/01052020/
IG: @empresszahara
*I do not own the cover photo