Just wondering in a tipsy state..quick question..when i say 'home' : does a picture immediately flash in your mind? A safe place, a haven you can rest in perhaps? For me too..when i used to close my eyes and think about this before..but now it doesn't .. plus that place doesn't exist anymore.. Oh don't get me wrong.. i have parents who have a lovely place now, siblings place..my own rented apartment room(which I try to keep decorating in every way with a personal touch but huh) etc. but I don't feel at home anywhere..you know why?
Because for me my home lies in a person..whom I can open up to..love with all that I have..no inhibitions..no restraints..my world will revolve around that person.. i know that sounds suffocating for that person..I don't intend to do that to the person who means the world to me..but my love is flawed..the way I love is flawed..and i can't escape it..that's why they run for their lives after knowing me..I can't escape how f'd up I am..How can i find home..find peace when the problem is me? How will I escape myself? my goddamn mind that refuses to be tamed how much ever i try?
How will I escape my own f'ing mind? It's a jail I can't get out of..and it's slowly acting as a slow poison..and there's no one who gets it.Do u know how it feels when the last bit of hope that's left just dies? Everything goes blank. Pitch black. That's it for now. Back to my drink now. Hope you find home. And peace.
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