"I remember hating the sight of sunsets. How it reminds me of new hellos to say and goodbyes to bid. It reminds of new people to meet and people to leave. I hate how sunsets made me feel so anxious about beginnings because it will eventually come to an end.
I remember hating how the waves send their chorus of voices. How it reminds me that everything in life is temporary. You can be as still as the sea and be comfortable with something but the next day, ending will come and something good is about to be gone. I hate how waves reminds me that even if you make a good splash, everything in life will come and go.
Just like that.
Just like how it is and how it should be.
I remember hating goodbyes. I remember how it confuses me whether I hate endings or I'm just scared of being left. Whether I hate the idea that my life can completely change after something ends or I'm just scared not knowing where to start after being left. I hate how that eight-letter word can tie-up an entire mantra of memories and I'm scared how being left leaves me with unanswered questions and unsatisfied wonders of what ifs and maybes.
I'm scared of being left and I hate how leaving equals exactly to ending. Leaving is necessary and I'm scared of it. Beginnings and endings are endless and I hate it. All good things in life must come to an end and I still hate it.
Maybe that's how absolutely knowing that nothing lasts forever made me anticipate endings. This is why I am always the one to leave first and end things. I neither fight nor find any reason to stay.
Before someone tries to leave, I'd be the first to show myself the door.
Before something comes to an end, I'd be the first to let myself out."