Chapter 2
As the seasons change, wounds heal, and people learn, I have embraced what went wrong in the love that "was".
It was a relief knowing that the chains are broken. I thought I was free, but regrets filled me knowing I could have done enough, so I was still in the prison cell that is open. Criticizing, evaluating and trying to improve myself for the could have been.
In the midst of my healing process, I stumbled upon the second type of love.
It was a love that is so different. It knows spontaneity while I know structure. A love that is free but does not hold. A love that is willing to stay but is willing to go. A love that is uncertain.
I have met him years after going through a rediscovering of who I am before the first love took me as its captive. I thought the love he offers is the love that alters the one I used to know. Well, it started with how he knows I am the one he is looking for, an impulsive feeling that doesn't take caution but hopes for the best. He is the opposite of the love that I used to know. If I won't check up on him, he won't do the same. If I won't talk, then he won't as well. It seems like he has given up on love.
At first, I thought I could make up for the lies in the past, that I faced him with my truth. No more masks, no more pretentious acts. I have a voice that seems to be so loud that his ears were deaf to hear my cries. It was a fight, a fight of making him know how to value, appreciate and love me. I did exactly the reverse of the love that "was". I thought in time he would love me the way I wanted to be loved. Only to know, were both strangers to it. It's like I'm craving for something minimum- empty words that is filled with doubt and self-pity. He is so in love with the dark, that even my dim light can't make him hope again. Have you ever tried so hard to make it work but the person thinks he is not enough to work for it?
But then again, I thought that was love- a battlefield and I am no knight, and I have no armor. So, it bleeds me severely. And the bleeding hurts my entire body that I have to run for shelter and cover. Then realized, I was fighting a losing battle. So, I waived a white flag to let him go. It does not signify freedom but peace- I hope he finds it without me.
- end of Ch2