Chapter 1
What is love for you?
Is it the first sight? The first laugh? The first heartbreak?
It varies from different people, different narratives and different experiences to describe how life changing it can be.
I have met 3 kinds of love in my life in the quest of finding what is real.
The first love is a love that is fleeting. A love that checks on me in the morning and waits for me at night. A love that admires the shiny hair, the thick brows, the face, the body, the intellect. A love that wishes to have a family with me and explore broad horizons. A love that embraces everything I am not.
I met him in a most unexpected way. When I was about to think I'll never met someone, he showed up. He is clothed with passion and determination. He told me about things I've never heard before. He admires my appearance and the things that I do to succeed. He went extra mile for me and try to break my defenses. He had all things planned and just let me go with it. I have no voice; I have no stance to the point I no longer know where we are heading. It was a silent quitting knowing that things are just according to how he wanted us to be- a perfect and picturesque couple that one can adore. Don't get me wrong, I thought that's what love is, always checking up on each other, always gives time and demands for it. Always suffocating but breathe "I love you, I miss you" words that became meaningless to me. And slowly, little did I know, it's drifting in my hands and the tainted mask I put on, I slowly wore off. Truly, you cannot make someone love your representative in a long period of time.
And just like that as fleeting as it was, it left me. I felt the hands that gripped me left its marks with self-pity and arrows of deception that I took so he can't bear the pain of the lies.
- end of Ch 1.