Revamp

It took me more than 2 years to come back here. It took me that long to bounce back from the horrors I'd rather not talk about. But I am here again, I found the courage to start writing.

It's been that long, huh? Time flies so fast. I couldn't believe this year is about to end now. I hope everyone's doing alright. I am happy now. Or maybe, a little happier than the last time I was here.

Fast forward, I have sailing solo since December of 2021. I ended up my five-long-year relationship with my partner because at that time, it was the best thing to do. I hasn't been myself since then. It took me days, weeks, months, and even years to realize that life is better without someone to constantly  remind me how to act. I know I was lacking in so many ways two years ago but those weren't valid reasons for me to get the level of disrespect that I, tried to endure. I thought it was for my own good. I thought they were looking after me. As much as I believed that their intentions were for my greatest good, I wasn't so sure if they were really for my sake. I didn't know I was being manipulated until that night when I decided to end my own life.

Depression took over me. The anxiety, the discomfort, the self pity, and all the negative thoughts I'd had kill made me the person I am writing today. I believed that what I had been suffering back then were all just part of my journey. That my hiccups weren't a fullstop but just mere pauses that I needed in my life in order for me to reconstruct myself. I believed that I could still do so much in this world. And I was fucking right all along.

Early part of this year, I landed a job.  A pretty decent one. Even if the people around me had been telling me that I can no longer work fulltime, I pushed myself. I instantly knew that it was a blessing knocking on my door. I didn't need to prove them wrong. I grabbed the opportunity because I knew it was meant to find me. And now, this great job has been serving it's purpose. I starting living freely. I started buying things I couldn't when I was living under the rock. I started getting back on track. I didn't have anyone to save me. I had to do the saving.

Two months ago, I finally able to get a new place of my own. I am now living in a place where I can call home. I get to buy my own groceries, get to pay my bills on time. I get to save enough to call it savings. I get to travel again. I get to enjoy life little by little. And I am happy for the progress I have been making and will continue to do in the future.

So you, my dear. In case you are facing a certain hiccup right now, please know that time is on your side. Please know that everything happens for a reason. Please know that as long as you are alive, there is hope. You do not need to know everything at once, you can learn day by day. Just make sure you remain true to your authentic self. Also, believe that you are more capable than what you are giving yourself credit for.

I love you, hoomans🙏☺️

*Silver*