______________________________________________
This is not an article on Feminism. Neither is it meant to enrage any man or to portray women of our society as weak. It is my attempt at penning down what it's like to be woman in this world. You could be anyone : a teacher, a housewife, a lawyer, an engineer, a maid, a bus conductor, a vegetable vendor, anyone..you could be playing any or all roles : a daughter,a mother, a wife, a daughter-in-law, or any other role.. regardless of your age ,all of these girls/ladies/women face something almost daily that most of the men of our lives , whether it be family, colleagues , friends etc, won't know. In many cases even the other women of the family are not aware. They don't know because you won't tell..you won't tell because it's embarrassing and might reflect badly upon you.
You won't tell about how sometimes you feel so unsafe. You won't let them know you were so scared that day while returning home. You were not sure if that guy was really staring at you in such a disgusting way..or was he? Maybe his eyes are like that all the time and he didn't mean it..or maybe he did..you don't know. The bus conductor or the guy inside the lift brushed past you making you very uncomfortable. But maybe because of the crowd. You choose to ignore and let it go.
World is a dark place. But it didn't require any darkness when that creepy guy approached you and tried to talk while blocking your way continuously. He said he just wanted to be friends after he has seen you around in that area thus implying that you are watched regularly.At the middle of the day amidst all people he had the guts to do so and no person around you batted an eyelash. Why would they? You are not their sister/mother/girlfriend. That is the minimum definition you need for a guy to do something for you..or at least say something to such creeps when such encounters happen.
There are plenty of "not creepy" nice guys around. But it's none of their concern until you fit the definition.
" Why should I say anything? Faltu jhanjhat me kyu padun ?"
"Ye ladki hi aisi hai shayad." ,
" Attention seeker",
" she should cover up more."
"bekar me panga kyu lena.?"
An age old hindi movie dialogue is " ghar me ma behen nai kya?" Times have changed and every ma and behen have to take care of themselves . Women are not weak but overpowered easily. When something like this happens , we are 3,4 seconds too late to do anything, because it takes at least that much time to sink in..to realize that you were just objectified.
You were treated like trash,a rag doll..touched without your consent, stared at with ogling eyes. Then it's too late to pull out pepper spray from your bag or your age old weapon of choice, to kick him/them where it hurts. Tears well up and you are consumed in your rage. You could do absolutely nothing and you make scenarios in your head to avenge it. If you told about this people would have mixed reactions. Some would say "hey this is so common, just try to forget about it." , Some would say "you should have called me or called for help.you know I would always be there for you"..in reality that would never be the case. Some would say "maybe you were mistaken, it might have been accidental." If it's a case inside office then , "hey talk to the HR", If the culprit is someone senior you would hesitate and for good reasons. Some day when you are late and some co-worker offers you a lift..what would you say? There would be a thousand thoughts rambling through your mind. "What if this guy is not what he seems to be?", "Would he take it otherwise that I fancy him?", "What if he is good and I am declining a safe ride home and later face an unsafe journey on my own?" Too many questions and no correct answers.
You lose trust on people like you lose hair everyday. There is always suspicion on everyone and you try to find hidden motives behind their every kind action towards you even if there are none.
People would say you are paranoid. Oh hell, you are now. You have been forced to become so. Self protection and preservation comes naturally.
You have seen too many crime series based on real incidents, and read books and news too. You maybe petite or big, thin or fat, modern or old-fashioned, but you are fragile and vulnerable. If only you knew martial arts, but that's a long shot. You swear that ,when and if you have kids, you will make sure they are self sufficient and know how to protect themselves.
You need to function as a normal human , while competing and surviving all the while through whatever life throws at you.
Feminists will say that men and women are equal, and should be treated equally. I don't think that men and women can ever be equal. There are many factors that make me say that. Men, women, both are unique and incomparable to each other. When it comes to the topic at hand, men will never have to face such incidents on a daily basis. (I am not saying men don't face abuse, they do too).They won't know how our heartbeats increase and sweat beads form on our foreheads, how we walk carefully , shielding ourselves, how we stare back angrily at men weak in the balls, in hopes that they will gaze away, how we sometimes successfully hit those dirty advances with our elbows.
They will never know and we will never tell until it's too late.