Tic-toc, tic-toc, the clock went.
"How much time do we have?"
"56 seconds.”
Time. The ever constant thing in this universe, alongside gravity. Time is its own entity, separated from this dimension, separated from human senses and perception. There are times when we don’t perceive that time exists, an example would be a mundane day in the office. But there are times when we perceive time fully, with all its wrath and power, these are times when we feel its pure intensity.
I’ve lost a moment in time and with all the impossibilities in this universe, I was still able to make my way into the very precipice of time itself. Now it’s up to me to take back what is mine.
“You’ll have to do it now or lose your chance, forever.”
I thought about what I was about to do, I thought about the consequences of it. I rarely do such a thing, but now, when everything seems to matter, I started to do things I haven’t done before. I gave out an audible sigh.
I recalled that moment very dearly. It’s one of the moments when I felt time in its greatest intensity.
Tic-toc as the clock in my mother’s room sound. Tic-toc as time goes ever forward, never backwards. I could remember the breeze, the whisper of the wind, and the ever slowly swaying of my mother’s potted plants.
Everything else seemed not to be affected by time. But us human beings, we are fully bounded by time, we follow it, we use it as our code, because for us, time is definite. But during that time when my mother’s time is finite, when it was counted by the all seeing timekeeper, time turned into something godlike, into something that was so far away and never in my grasp.
“Do it now”
I thought about the memory once again. I can take it away from the clutches of time, but I can never change it. That’s the thing about the strands of time in front of me, when the strands are written down; they are written down in ink forever permanent in existence. There are many things that we cannot change in our lives, acceptance is key, but I cannot simply accept forgetting that singular memory, I can’t accept the fact that I would forget it once I shake off this mortal existence. I want to remember it and to keep it with me forever.
“It’s going to pass you by. You must act now.”
I closed my eyes and reached out into front of me.
There I was, holding my mother’s old and fragile hand. She was saying something inaudible to me, it was clear to everyone around us, but not to me. She was breathing hard, she was breathing hurtfully, but she kept on breathing. She knew that the tides of both life and death are about to wash her away, but she wasn’t scared, she was accepting and joyful, because for her, time is the god that keeps everything in balance. Forever is non-existent to many, but it’s existent to the few that lives by it through the memories they cherish.
You see, there’s this crazy thing about time that you will come upon at some point in your life, everyone does. This single crazy peculiar thing about time is that it stops.
It stops ticking, it stops moving. It stops fully. I see my mother’s tear drop from the side of her cheek, I see her smile, I see her eyes staring deeply into my soul. I see her and even time at that moment stopped for the two of us, because the timekeeper is not heartless, he too feels everything we feel. He stops it for one moment we wish for it to stop, so that we can make that moment forever still in our hearts.
During that moment that time stopped, before my mother’s inevitable fading away, I was able to reach clarity and finally I was able to hear her voice, her sweet sweet caring voice.
“Time takes everything dear to us, but not you, time will never ever take you away from me. Ever.”
With that, a smile escaped from my lips and I nodded at her, telling her that infinity must end at some point and that I had accepted the inevitability of her natural existence. She takes her final breath and once again, the timekeeper resumes time in its pace, forever forwards, never backwards.
I felt a hand touch my shoulder. It was cold but warm and comforting at the same time. I had stolen a moment in time; I had finally what I’ve aimed to do after all those years in isolation, away from the people that tried to take care of me after my mother’s death. Now, the memory is within me forever and I am bound to remember it for the rest of my living existence.
“Losing someone is not the end. It’s never the end. It will forever be stored in the memory of time, it will be forever stored in everything around you, enriching your living reality and others’, and it will be waiting for you to reach out to it and remember once again.”
The man gave pause. I turned around and look at him in his ethereal eyes.
“She’s happy that you choose to remember. She’s happy at the thought that even through the times, you still choose to live and live, for her. Now it’s time for you to create your own strand in time.”
I smiled at him. The timekeeper knows well and he was right, it was time to live my life towards the eternity that’s about to come.