A Letter for My Heartbroken Self

When your heart is broken, waking up each day seems like a daunting task. Everyday becomes a struggle. You cannot function properly and you would just prefer to lie in bed and not move. You will feel like you have no more energy to do your work, and enjoy the things you used to love. You don’t feel like talking to someone and yet you don’t want to feel alone. Because when your heart breaks, you feel alone all the time even when you’re surrounded by people.

This is one of the worst parts to go through in being an adult. You meet someone and you connect and share moments together. You spend basically every day with that person and then you fall in love. You started to open up your heart and trust that person, you trust him to protect you and to always be there for you. And when that person leaves and decided you are no longer worth the effort and the time, that is when you get hit by a terrible ache. It resonates inside you making you hurt emotionally and physically. You find it hard to breathe and you feel it in your chest which seems like a heavy weight has been placed on top of it. It’s hard to get over it quickly. It preoccupies your mind each chance it gets every waking moment. So you go through the motions, forcing yourself to get up and be strong. But it is taking up almost all your energy. It is exhausting you to the point that you would just want to stop because you are so freaking tired. It is a horrible situation to be in. Things that surround you will remind you of that person every single time. And it will not help, at all. It makes things worse and unbearable. Crying everyday is inevitable. You weep and bawl your eyes out until you get tired and your eyes started to sting. You would only wish you could leave and move on a different place and see a whole new environment and people. But you can’t because you have responsibilities, because of course, you can’t just move your entire life just because of some guy who failed to see your worth.

Yes, that is what you will tell yourself as a consolation. You and your friends will tell you that he is not worth it, that because he has given up on you mean he is not the one and that he does not deserve your love. When that maybe true, still, it does not shield you from the pain. It does not lessen the pain you are feeling. It does not make the tears go away or heal your wounded heart. And it does not put all the broken pieces back together. Because everyday when you go home after work and you are alone, the tears will come down and you will be undone. You will be a mess because of the crying and the self-doubt you are feeling. You will wish to make it stop, to not feel anything anymore. You will feel vulnerable and totally at a loss. You would not know what to do. And this is hard because you have been so strong and people see you as a strong and independent woman. You have been that kind of woman but now, you are depleted. You are tired of being strong and of being alone. And you are tired of always being the one who get left behind.

Those feelings of grief and anguish are strong and it might be stronger than you, but you have to remember that what you are going through right now is only temporary. You need to convince yourself that you will get through this in one piece. You will surpass the hurt and the pains you are feeling because it will not be forever. You will heal and move on. You will find happiness again. You just need to hang on a little bit longer and a little bit tougher. Do not let this destroy the hopes and dreams you have built for yourself. Do not let a man’s inability to appreciate and value you becomes the definition of you. You do not need a man to be happy and feel loved. You are loved by your family and friends, and you will be loved by the people you are yet to meet.

There is someone out there for you who will finally stay and will be the reason why those past relationships didn’t work out. You just got to hang in there and face each day with optimism and energy. It is going to be difficult and painful. You will still be surrounded by things that remind you of him but you will learn to separate those things from him. You will learn to accept the fact that it is his loss and not yours. Just remember that the time will come when you will no longer think of him and what he has done to you. But when you do, you will just laugh and will not feel any tinge of pain in your heart. Please be hopeful and strong. This is asking a lot from you, but this is the only way to get through this. There is no other way but forward. Just focus on that and in time you will have your happy ending. You will have that peace and happiness which you rightfully deserve.