Dear self,
How are you doing? I hope you are doing well. I know life has been tough but you have done quite a good job to stay alive. Thank you for not giving up. You and I have been on quite a journey the past few years. You have hugged your knees, cried for hours till the tears dried, the throat hurt and the nose blocked, yet you continued crying. You have sat there on the shower floor, just in daze at that stormy situation that surrounded you. You have drunk so much alcohol to numb that pain. That heart wrenching pain is real.
Life is not a straight line, it goes up and down. If you are sometimes happy or sometimes sad, be glad because this is life. If you don’t want these ups and downs in life, then that is as good as wanting death.
It's okay to feel like you aren't doing as well as you are supposed to. So if you need to take a second to breathe, to cry, to put your head down, stare out a window or go for a walk. Do that, without distractions. Thank God for everything that you are blessed with, take a look at all the beautiful things around you, and be stress free for just a moment.
I am terribly sorry that I was not great enough to ignite your motivation, was not good enough to encourage, to appreciate you. Sorry that I allowed you to hang your head down low. I was not all ears to listen to your problems. I did not stand up for you.
But behind these dark clouds, there is a bright blue sky waiting to shine on you once you blow those clouds away. The same goes to these hardships; while you are looking for help to unlock this hardship, you also learn something: nobody can help you but yourself.
I know life has been tough for you the past few years but you have done quite a good job to stay alive. I have seen you plummet to the state of despair and depress. Thank you for not giving up. You know, I am extremely proud that you managed to survive through.
It is said that trials and calamities/ hardships are the greatest blessings and lessons in disguise. These hardships force us into a new and better versions of us.
For a long time, you were lost. You were broken having to make multiple decisions which were much against your belief and will. How did forever becomes never, you wonder? Hush hush, it is okay now, take some time to forgive yourself.
You are a lot stronger than you realized. I know there were many moments of pain and self-doubt but you got through all of it. Like a phoenix, you have emerged from the ashes to start a new life. You are a survivor. You have overcome those obstacles.
Who knew it would take me a series of almost fatal heartbreaks and mind numbing treacheries to realize that you and I are actually one, each other’s better halves, united against the heart wrenching tragedies of life? Who knew that my biggest enemy had always been myself? Who knew that I was a victim in this sweetly chaotic place only because I had allowed myself to be one? Who knew it’d take me so long to register the reality that I, first and foremost, belong to you and just you?
When you retire to your bedroom after a long day with the world, exhausted and terrified at the prospect of yet another sleepless night, just remember that I love you. Always have, always will. So breathe, take a minute, reevaluate, and grow.
Love,
Me