A letter to my first love, Kevin

No matter how determined you are in pushing me away, I will still continue to love you with all the broken pieces you left me with. I was never ready to give up on you. Never ready to lose you. I fell hard for you. I committed to this relationship because we made it real. You actually made my life as wonderful and perfect as you are. But now, all the words and promises you said will continue to remain as scars forever. You broke me. I thought I was going to be finally fixed forever with you. Turns out you did the opposite of the thing you said you would never ever do to me. I believed you. I thought we were strong enough to handle any fights that life may throw at us. But no. You chose to leave me, hurt me, walk away from me, leaving me hurt and broken. I wish i could hate you, but I can never bring myself to hate a person I love so much, up until now. I said I would wait for you. I said that I wouldn't pursue any relationships after you, and I meant it. I will put those words in action because all I wanted in life was for you to be there and be a part of it. Maybe some people will say you don't deserve me, but they were not the one in a relationship with you. It was me. And I have a say in who I want or don't want in life.

For the past couple years and months, we made things happy for each other. Everyday I have grown to love and care for you a little better. Now that we have reached this point in life, I want you to know how much it really pains me to live a life without you. You splashed my life with colors, and now it's all black and white. My life looks a pretty dull right now. You're lucky, you know. You were too quick to move past all this and forget me as if I was nothing. I wish I could do the same. I really do. But I won't be bitter like that, because again, i still love you very much. I am still in love with you. I prayed fervently to God to take away all anger in your heart and let love resurface from your heart, and I know God never fails to do so. Maybe not now, but maybe, just maybe, He'll find a way to bring you back to me. I'll be here. Waiting for you. Ready to take you back with open arms. Damn, i love you so much. Wherever you are right now, i hope you'll find the kind of happiness that I couldn't give you. And i hope you'll realize someday that you'll always have a girl who will love you beyond measure. A girl who is ever willing to wait for you.

Forever yours,
Jamie