A never ending journey

It is the moment. The moment I feared for, for the past twenty five years.I thought I was brave. I thought I was strong enough to fight all odds. I thought the world taught me everything by experiences. I thought the thousand times I had fallen down will help me climb a thousand steps ahead.But not this.I am tired of asking for a chance to prove me.Let me be the same useless,coward,duffer Adhi for them.Huh.. Actually, they are right. I am a useless boy.

My thoughts were provoking and dominating the silence of the room. I make a huge effort to flush them and looked at the suicide note I wrote. I then stared at the rope I bought to hang myself to the ceiling fan, and the knife I bought to pierce into my bloody veins and kill me.

I joked at myself. I am wondered too. I think how a slightly hard hitting humiliation can provoke my thoughts to such an extent. I also think what was the hard metal armour with which I covered my silly sensitive heart doing when that bruiser slayed me with his words. I mentally made a note to make my training harder to become a heartless man.But, a musician needs heart to make his music poke one's heart right?

Over-thinking had become my worst enemy.Again,I make a huge effort to flush off those thoughts.Then, I wash my face and take my guitar. I walk to the veranda and find a place to rest there. Then I start stringing the guitar with my most favourite tune. I start singing along."Forever,let this pain last..."

As I complete the song, I realise that a huge crowd had gathered around me.I can hear so many "wow"s,"woah"s,"oohh"s with loud claps that sound right into my heart instead of ears.

"Hey champ, you got a long way to go. The song was just heavenly Adhi!!!",Vino told me.

I give him a nodding smile.He tells me to stop blushing and work on many new songs.

I think this is why I had to retrieve my decision of suicide.This is why I had to live. I know some music.And I know that music can be felt by atleast a few. I know a few people who really can feel my music. I know that I would be able to cease that little population with my melancholy.I began to create music for them.I began to search the people who could listen to my heartbeats.It was a long journey and a monotony.That journey doesn't end but changed its way.And here, I am, infront of that little population whom I ceased with the music I know".

I have been reading these lines for the past half a day. I never knew getting ready for an award ceremony is this hard.

"Vidya,do you think I really should say this infront of the crowd?Had I put this much effort, I would have passed my final papers in a single attempt."I told my wife.

She chuckles."You have to. The only way you could stay in people's hearts is by speaking your heart out.Also, you have to remember your roots when you are flying high."she said.

"I always do."

"Then,be ready with this speech. We are late already".

...

I can see Vidya being anxious as I walk to the stage to receive my award. I sigh her to be cool.

As the host requests me to convey a few words, I became silent for a few seconds.

"Forever..Let this pain last...", that voice of mine started singing.

I knew I had spoken my heart out to stay in people's hearts. I knew I was remembering that long journey of mine, along with the flow of my voice.

Tears and Smile met on my face.