Fears that are secrets

Ever since I, mama and papa moved to this city, I have never been this dreaded. I have had bad dreams but this was worse. I woke up all wet with sweat. The reality that it's just a dream was what that made me alive.

I sipped some water and peeped through the window outside. The busy road outside despite the rainy night was very disturbing. It was churning my deepest fears.

I still remember like it was yesterday. I know it's so cheap and silly, but it affected me a lot. Glimpses of that night rolled in front of my closed eyes as vivid pictures.

Me, fighting and shouting at my parents taking my pillow, my parents shouting at me back... everything! I was sobing and weeping, wetting the sofa and somehow calmed down. I am closed down by defending thoughts for myself about the fight that happened.

They thought I was asleep already. I was left all alone in the big drawing room. I was able to sense my presence or the loneliness, filling the vast space in the room. I was afraid of ghosts at that time and I remembered the vampire story, Neha told me during the school break a few days back. I closed my eyes, a little more tighter.

My senses became more sharper. I overheard my mom shut their room's door. I was so devastated that my parents believed Ramu Kaka than me. He was a very cruel man. I was so broken about the fact that I needed an evidence of what happened, to even talk to my parents! Eyes became darker. More darker and more hopeless.

The feeling that nobody can help you and save you from something is the worst thing one could do to their loved ones. All I wanted that day was some emotional support.

I crushed my eyes enough to bring me back to present. I wondered about the truth, that I have never overcome that fear, even after 12 years. Twelve years is a lot of time!

I smiled at my acceptance of living in that fear. Fear of Ramu Kaka or perhaps the fear of trusting people.

This acceptance is much easier. I just have to deal with myself. I just have to put a brave front and a fake smile and walk forward like nothing happened.

Life is easier when you pretend nothing happened!