I just woke up and I'm already tired. Maybe because I've had a nightmare again. Why are they coming for me every night?
Escaping from my blanket, I squint my eyes as the beam of light peeked through the curtains. I went straight out of the bedroom door, exerting more effort than I should. My whole body isn't feeling well since Tuesday. Both eyes were heavy and I became thinner.
On my way to the kitchen, I keep bumping onto things but I do not have the energy to pick them up. Before reaching for the handle, I saw this purple note attached on the upper right corner of the fridge. Smudged and dull, yet still staring at me. It made my knees felt weak, and I dropped on the floor. My legs unable to support the weight inside of me. There's a huge lump in my throat and I keep holding it in. The pillows were stained with tears last night, I shouldn't cry again.
I've memorized the words written there. The letters were perfectly printed with black ink. You really have a good handwriting. I remembered you teasing mine. You always compare it to a toddler's handwriting.
Well, that piece of paper was already there 3 years ago. They are your own words, comforting me in my dark days since the day we're together. It was my daily reminder to overcome my sadness and be happy because I'm with you. Now, it feels like an alarm clock; shaking my existence and telling me to face the reality of not having you. The reality of losing you. The reality that you left without telling me why.
"When you're feeling depressed, think about your best day. The moment you've been hoping to happen again. Your feeling in that precious moment will leave a beautiful curve on your lips. xoxo. -Vanessa :)"
"I just can't. My best days are with you. Is it wrong to think about those moments? Is it toxic to think of you, holding me once more?"
Story