Age 6, Who Should I Tell?

My introduction to perversion, was not of my own accord.  I was after all, small but inquisitive.  Sensitive to touch but not to memory. I can't begin to name my accusers but I remember the feeling of something unnatural occurring. How else was I suppose to know how to achieve my first orgasem at age 6? 

I promise that I say this from a angle of truth and not vulgarness. While reflecting, it somewhat shames me how sexually aware I was at such a young age. But it is thanks to these events that have shaped my taste in literature and adventure. 

I remember it in all in pieces. I thought I was being discreet when I would find the  corners within my room and gently and not-so gently rub the lower part of my body against these surfaces. My two favorite places were the following; the corner of my parents bed and the dresser that hid my toys. I would hump them in plain sight, livid by the thrill of being caught, and even dared once or twice to do it while my father and mother we're in the same room. As it turns out, I was not discreet....

You see, we shared a one bedroom apartment. I owned the right side of my room and my parents the left. My mother worked and my father stayed home. You know, I don't remember when it started. The humping I mean. But it is within this era I started to feel strangely uncomfortable around my father. 

There was this one day that really confirmed my suspicions internally. My mom left early as usual to work and this time place the tv remote control in my fathers sleeping possession.  She left me with one channel and no device. Wary of my usual antics to "change to the wrong channel", I was left with nothing us but with the dragging presence of Looney Tunes   I waited till she left, took my yellow child's chair and placed it right by the TV. I stood on it stretching my little arms to the cable box and hope to hit the numbers, 69. On my first try I was very successful and there the channel was. I watched hypnotized  as a woman ran through the hallway naked while being chased by a man. 

However,  I messed up this time. Before changing the channel, I forgot to lower the volume and the women pleasure screams echoed loudly through the house. Out of fear of getting caught, I hit the input button on the tv which turned the channel to static and then immediately turned the tv off. Was I caught? I listen intently to any signs of my father stirring.

Nothing....

Out of panic, I didn't have enough courage to climb on my little yellow chair again and changed the channel. I went straight to my parents room and looked for the remote. I found the remote tightly underneath my fathers arm....I was caught!  There was no  way I will be able to loosen the device. I than did the unthinkable. I woke my father and asked him for the remote to change the channel. He than proceeded to get up and I knew he was about to discover my secret. He walked over to the TV, turned it on, saw that it was on the static channel and looked at me with fear. He than moved his fingers to hit the input button and there she was, the naked woman I watched briefly earlier. I can't remember what happen next really. I remember him shaking his head and going back to sleep. 

Later that day, I approached my father while he was lifting weights in our living room and asked the question." Are you mad at me?" 

My question caught him a bit off guard and he than started crying. It was in that moment I felt deep amounts of shame and something else. He was  ashamed of my deeds undoubtedly but in that moment i felt something I couldn't put into words till years later;  an omission of his own guilt. I could be wrong you know. Children can be wild with their imagination but I think intuition is one character of a child that is always spot on. 

 So let me put it plainly, children do not become perverted without an accomplice.