« Hey! I really need you to get to my house right now! »
« Why? What’s going on? Are you alright? »
« Yeah yeah… Listen everything’s alright, just get here quick! Trust me! »
« Uh… Fine. I’ll be there ASAP! »
Okay…okay…okay… She’s coming right now. I can’t let her see me like this. I have to untie this fucking thing! I spend another half hour trying to get my hand free from the tie. I stretch, sweat and curse.
Finally! My hand is free! Hurts like hell though. Anyway, I get up quickly and cover my beautiful man-parts with the towel on the floor. Shit! This second knot is giving me hell, and she’s knocking on the door.
« Come in! »
« What the hell is going on over here?! »
I get dressed, light two cigarettes, hand one to my sister and spend an hour explaining. I tell that the girl showed up, smoke a joint with me and did the dirty deed. Then, she went to the bathroom where she surely saw the forgotten thong I threw out earlier. Came back, decided to tie me up and just fucking left. Not even a Bengal tiger could match up with a woman’s dangerousness.
« I need to get drunk… »
« Ha-ha! I bet you do. But how do you manage to get lucky so easily, when my sex life is dead?! »
« That’s because you have a fuck off sign on your forehead. »
« What?! I do not! »
« Of course you do. You’re so insecure and afraid that you shrivel any man’s testies. »
« Hey, fuck you and your shit! »
« Calm down you little psychopath. You’re not listening to what I’m saying. You are oblivious to the fact that you are a beautiful, smart, funny, loyal and passionate woman. That any guy would be more that lucky to have you. Actually as long as you have breasts, you’re good to go. But I digress… Look, I see this all the time. Amazing women with fascinating personalities… All unsecure and afraid of not being attractive. So afraid that they start to go out only in groups, the famous just us girls nights. Then, whenever they smell a penis approaching, they put up this cold and distant demeanor. So only the jackasses of this world would have the earlier mentioned stupidity to approach an emotional atom bomb. Thus reinforcing the idea that they are only attractive to unattractive men. »
« Yeah, you may be right. »
« What? No may be! It’s called logic. »
« Hey don’t get all patronizing on me, bro. You’re the one who just spent 2 hours tied up in his own apartment. »
« Yeah, well I’m also the one having sex on a pleasant basis. »
« Seriously, fuck you. »
We go on and on teasing each other. Then we go to a bar, get drunk and start all over again.
I had a really fucked up day. But at least I got to end it with the dearest person to me: My little sister. Oh and guys, she’s single and horny. Come on!
Oh right, I really liked that bar’s nachos…