Am I?

Everytime I look at myself in the mirror, I always ask, "Am I worth it?"

and then there's always this answer at the back of my head that says, "If you are, she wouldn't have left you." and that hurts. Like, Bloody hell! It hurts.

I've always thought of slitting my throat or cutting my wrists or anything that has to do with thick sharp shining blades.

Cos i'm fckn tired.

Of all of this.

Thinking that I'm still not enough. Making me feel like i'm some kind of a joke. A pain in the ass.

That whenever I try to be the best of all the best, I always end up failing them, making them disappointed. And I don't know what I have to do for them to know that I am trying too. Really trying

They never even asked if "Are you okay?" "How are you?" or "Have you ate already?" All that I can hear is "You should do this" "You should do that, "You want to be like her?" "You shouldn't be like her". BULLSHIT! I'm so done hearing all of your sickening voices that makes me feel like I wanna throw up.

Now I ask myself

When will they ever accept me, as me?

When will I ever live a life worth living?

When will I be enough?