Nobody loves me, I'm always left out. - Ohhh noooooooo, why are they coming up to talk to me?
I shouldn't have come to this party, I don't know anybody here. - The people here are weird, stay away from me.
Oh my God. Why is he asking me to meet up? He'll think I'm ugly and weird and won't talk to me ever again.
Interview? No way. I'm screwed.
I hate humans.
I have no friends.
I can't take this call, actually no call.
Why are they not texting me back? Am I too nagging?
I'm weird.
Am I ugly? Am I fat?
Do you love me?
Why does she hate me?
What did I do now? Where did I go wrong again?
This is what anxiety does to you. You think, overthink, blame yourself, get nervous too much, worry at every petty thing and more.
Its easy to fight anxiety, isn't it? Just don't worry, right? Wrong.
Anxiety attacks make you stammer, self-loath and hate yourself. You start depressing yourself. You want to talk to others, and at the same time you don't.You want to sleep, then you don't. Eat? No way. This, though more common among introverts, can happen to anyone. It might be an outcome of a negative incident in one's life which left a deep impact on them. It might be due to a bad or abusive childhood. Or it might be for no reason. But, it still sucks.
Everything seems dreadful. Everything makes you nervous, afraid.
You worry about that single text left unseen. You worry at entering that cabin. You worry at being left alone. You worry of being surrounded by unknown faces. You worry about people judging whatever you do. You worry about that man across the street staring at you. You worry about talking on the phone. You worry, worry and worry.
Moreover, you run from your fears.
Anxiety had brought me to a point when I was afraid to talk to anyone, lest they would judge me. It made me think and rethink my decisions multiple times. I used to ponder for days over the one comment one acquaintance passed on me. I used to worry on the invitation to attend a party. I used to stammer when talking to a group of people. I dreaded that one interview. My heartbeats palpitated whenever someone asked me out. I was anxious. Over anxious?
But then I realized that this is a fight, this is something I have to overcome. I realized this is my life and not others'. I realized I have to live it for myself, without fear. I realized I'm perfect with all my imperfections and scars. I realized nobody has the right to judge me, and if they do then that shouldn't bother me. I realized life is meant to be lived one's own way. I realized I should love myself.
And this fight hasn't ended yet, no. I'm still fighting it.